How Do I Find A Wife Like Yours?

woman holding doubled over beltOne of the most common questions we get asked is how do ~I~ find a wife like you(rs). Or I WISH I had a wife like you(rs) or something along those lines. The other popular question or sentiment is how do I approach my wife or significant other, about trying a lifestyle like this. My wife has addressed the latter question in her blog post, Why Women Should Consider A F/M Spanking Relationship. Along with a couple other posts.

But as we haven’t really addressed the “finding” aspect. I thought I would talk about that today.

For those that don’t know our story, there is a little more detailed background found on our About Us page, but the quick hit version is that we evolved into this pretty organically. First by incorporating fun spankings into our foreplay and then we moved onto role playing. From there, we started a new spanking chapter where my wife became the primary spanker, which eventually evolved into us practicing domestic discipline from a F/m perspective. And while I just covered that journey in couple of sentences, the reality was that it happened over the course of many, many years.

domestic discipline couple spankingSo for those that already have experience being in a spanking relationship or for those who truly desire to be in a spanking relationship…starting in a vanilla relationship can be a little problematic as there is certainly a time commitment just to get to the point of trust and comfortability, in order to bring up the topic. And if they are unable to try or adopt this concept for whatever reason, then you have to weight how important that relationship is to you, versus your desire to let go of your spanking relationship desire. Which might be the right thing to do, if you find that someone special. IDK. Only the person in that position can make that decision but damn, that’s gotta’ be a hard one to make. And if the decision is to end the relationship, because they really want to find someone that can and will provide that spanking aspect, then whatever amount of time spent in the first relationship, has passed and you have to start all over again. 🙁  I know…tough situation.

So after thinking through this dilemma, our first thought was to create our own network/dating site where people who were into spanking (to one degree or another), could join and potentially connect with each other. But the reality of creating such a network/dating site is very labor intensive, expensive, AND…there are already sites out there like that. But which ones are the best?

Understanding “best” is a term that is often subjective, we spent some time vetting and researching various sites, until we found a couple of the biggest (and we feel best), services like that around. Here’s the first one… – Kink Positive Dating Community

As of now, this is our first choice. Just because it is specific to BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals.

The second site we found doesn’t openly state BDSM but it is one of the larger “non-vanilla” dating and hook up sites. While the site openly mentions people looking for sex or hook-ups, it also mentions helping millions find “traditional partners”. That said, we also understand that some people may JUST be looking for a hookup or for someone to be open to provide a good spanking.

Adult Friend Finder – World’s Largest Dating & Social Network For Adults

Again main goal for us in providing these, was to help people find a partner who is already non-vanilla and already experienced or at the very least, open to the idea of a spanking type of relationship. Additionally both of these sites will show you how many members are in your area. Making meeting up, a little more accommodating as it pertains to logistics.

Disclaimer: The above links are our affiliate links. Just meaning that we would get a small commission if you were to try the service. But please know it won’t cost you any thing extra. We’re certainly not going to get rich doing this but any extra money we raise, helps us keep this site alive. As you probably know by now, we do this blog because we believe in the benefits of what we do and want to continue being a resource for those wanting to explore and those already going down this journey.

Ultimately, the spirit of this post is to address one of our most asked questions and to try and help people find other like-minded individuals, in an effort to explore and experience what we feel is a very helpful, rewarding and intimate element to our lifestyle. So to those asking, “How do I find a wife like yours?”, We’re hoping one of these services could be the starting point for you. Good luck!

UPDATE: Shortly after this post, I started thinking about how I’ve been able to get pretty much all my girlfriends to spank me to one degree or another. Including my wife Jess, who as you know now, is my Wicked Queen. She’ll be the first to tell you that she was straight up vanilla when we first met.

So I thought, what if I could convey to our readers, the things I did to not only get spanked by my girlfriends, but how I got Jess to spank me? And how it evolved to her giving me real domestic discipline spankings for my bad attitude or misdeeds. How cool would it be to provide those answers to the most asked question we get? Answer: Pretty Cool. 😉

So I started writing. First it was just notes, thoughts and ideas. But over the course of about a year and a half, I finally put it into eBook format and am happy to present it here: eBook – How to Get Your Girlfriend or Wife to Spank You

If you want your GF or wife to spank you…this book could very well hold the key. Good luck to you!

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Good article. I’ll share my experience, and maybe it will help someone looking for a partner. In my instance, I was divorced and I reflected on what I really wanted. I knew I was looking for specific type of woman and had my radar out. In short, I wasn’t going to settle to going back to the humdrum. In my case, I met my GF at work. She sat 30 feet from me for almost two years! We were always friendly towards each other, but it wasn’t until she made a passing comment to me that while she didn’t miss her ex, she did miss the fact that he did all the chores and the housework and now she had to fill that role. I began to probe her a bit more and we had some interesting conversations, even before dating I told her what I was looking for in a partner. I then introduced her to the FLR concept ( I shared the ebook: Around Her Finger / Addison) and she took to it like a fish to water. Fast forward a couple of years and she is in control of just about everything. I love it, as does she.

The Wicked Queen

Thanks for much for sharing this Mark! Hopefully this provides some encouragement for those looking for that special someone. We truly believe she is out there!


As a follow up, the other night she and her girlfriends were all out for dinner. A question was posed to all around who controls what happens in the bedroom. My GF was the only one who answered in the affirmative that she controls the action. When she told me this I was a bit surprised. Her friends are all accomplished professional women, and my GF remarked, “I’m not. Most women don’t understand the power they have. I do, and I will yield it how I see fit.” So…I would suggest looking in the normal places, but having a clear idea of what YOU want in the relationship to find her and then looking for the attributes you desire. She’s out there, and in my case, she had no idea of FLR or could even fathom disciplining a partner in a consensual relationship.

The Wicked Queen

Love it! I (and Joey), have said many times before, that exact statement, “Most women don’t understand (or realize) the power they have.” Glad yours does.

Don Edwards

Hi WQ. I know this thread is a bit stale dated but the sentiment stated is not. We’ve had the exact problem even though we are M/m domestic discipline. I have been so ALPHA in our relationship that my partner still hasn’t got a handle on how much power I have relinquished and now how much power he has. Just 10 minutes ago he asked me if I would like to be spanked for all the swearing I did this weekend. I just sat there and stared. I asked if he would kindly replay his statement and when he did, he realized how he had phrased it, THEN I was taken to the spare bedroom immediately to receive what I had no right to either ask for or refuse!

The Wicked Queen

Hi Don, you’re absolutely right. This is an evergreen topic. And thanks for bringing into light, it isn’t just about finding a “wife”. It was written like that as that is just our experience. But yes, it is about how to I find a significant other or partner like yours. I’m glad your roles are developing and evolving. 🙂


Nice to have stumbled across your blog. For several years I wrote a blog called “Ma’am Yes Ma’am” on Blogger until it was taken down by Google. I’m one of those that had a life long obsession with spanking though I never quite understood it and for the longest time was ashamed and embarrassed by it. For many years I believed myself to be a “top” until I met my match (so to speak). I seem to have had a knack for finding willing partners but ended up marrying a lady with no interest in this lifestyle. To be honest, I didn’t even realize during that marriage that I had the desire to live an FLR lifestyle!

I met a woman the realized and understood her power but more importantly, believed in exercising that power in a way I disliked but personally benefitted from. That way, of course, resulted in my bare bottom (often times) being very red, very sore and very swollen but, I became a better, more attentive person as a result! It was extremely confusing to me however, how could I be so attracted to something I detested while it was happening yet so thankful for overall?

That confusion led to the blog as I tried to get jumbled thoughts and feelings out of my head and on paper so to speak and try to analyze it all. I was naive in thinking nobody else was reading the blog but in a short time it became evident that I wasn’t alone in my desire to at least explore (if not live) an FLR. I was several years divorced from my vanilla wife and couldn’t get past the idea of not pursuing the lifestyle of an FLR feeling that it was an essential piece in the puzzle of a successful relationship.

Interestingly, it was the blog that opened the door to realizing that important aspect. I met a few women while writing that blog….physically. I have the utmost respect for each of them but what I learned is that there is a lot involved in a successful relationship that goes beyond a mutual interest in a female led relationship. It makes a lot of sense that this would be true, there is so much to life it just so happens that some of us have this added aspect that can be overwhelming at times. In fact, it can be so overwhelming that we are sometimes blinded to the other important factors that make up a successful marriage.

In the end, it was via the internet that I met my current wife. A no-nonsense woman that believes heavily in her power to control any situation that confronts us. She has definite ideas on discipline and I often find myself draped over her knees with a bare bottomed receiving a strict and stern application of a very nasty hairbrush until I am sobbing and promising profusely to behave in the future! Many think it is a far fetched fantasy but I have the real-life video to prove it’s no pipe dream!

I thank you guys for being open and sharing your experience. It helps men and women alike realize their own dreams and aspirations!

– Sincerely,

Wdspoone (Tom)

The Wicked Queen

Hi Tom and thank you SO much for the kind words and for sharing your wonderful insight and experience. You touch upon a very key point regarding this type of relationship, (at least we believe this wholeheartedly), and that is…a couple really does have to have a foundation in the things that make up a successful relationship in the first place, like…Love, trust, respect, and intimacy. We feel that when those traits are in place initially, you can then transcend the levels of each by incorporating some iteration of “this thing of ours”.

Glad to hear you found that special someone who will take you over her knee for a real DD spanking. Joey has often stated, that while there is nothing fun or enjoyable about a real spanking, he appreciates its value and appreciates me for holding him accountable in that way. Citing that these spankings cultivate him towards being a better person.

So glad you found our site and truly hope to hear from you again! 🙂


As I’m reading your posts I really wish I could meet a woman that would be interested in domestic discipline.

The Wicked Queen

Hi Jontee and thanks for your comment. They are out there my friend, keep the faith. Have you checked out this “non-vanilla” dating service? Keeping our fingers crossed for you! 🙂

Roy Wells

Just a personal comment: Be most careful what you wish for if you’ve never had your bare bottom well treated by a leather belt. You may be greatly surprised by the pain caused to you even if the belt is swung by an innocent looking woman.

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