safety first sign

We have a saying we like to use as it pertains to the domestic discipline lifestyle we partake in. That is…”Safe, sane, and consensual.” That’s extremely important to us, and we hope that the readers of our blog feel the same way. While we are VERY open-minded to what others do and believe in the “to each their own” mantra, we DO NOT condone abuse or anything that is not “safe, sane, and consensual.”

We often talk about the importance of communication and feel this is KEY when in, or testing the waters in, this type of relationship. Communication is important in ANY relationship, but even more so before entering into any type of FLR or DD agreement. And especially important before, during, and after any discipline sessions. Understanding each other’s thoughts, perceptions, experiences, and expectations is helpful for any relationship, but it is vital when you have an element of domestic discipline as part of the relationship.

Domestic Discipline Spankings

post spanking f/mThe spankings I receive might be considered harsh by most people, yet “not enough” by others. This is because it’s a relative matter; people build up tolerances to various things. We have been involved in the spanking scene for quite a long time, and my ability to endure a good spanking has significantly increased over the years. However, one should not try or expect to be at the same level of spanking severity as we are. In fact, such a level of spanking may never be necessary in many relationships, and that’s perfectly fine. Each couple will have their own nuances and things that work for them and things that don’t. This is where communication is crucial. Without it, you might try something you think you want, and it could end up being a negative experience for you. For example, if someone wanted to start eating hot peppers but, instead of trying a small bite of a jalapeño (2,500 to 8,000 Scoville units), they took a large bite of a Carolina Reaper (currently the hottest pepper in the world at 1.4 to 2.2 million Scoville units), they would have a terrible experience that could turn them off from ever trying another hot pepper again.

holding pepper on fire

No one who can now eat these hotter peppers or sauces started out with them right away. They worked their way up by eating less hot ones first, gradually increasing their tolerance for handling the heat. Similarly, some will find that a medium-heat pepper suits them best, while others may prefer peppers on the milder side. And that’s perfectly fine—whatever works for them. Don’t take the intensity of the spankings I receive as a standard to strive for. You might end up there someday, or you might find a different level that suits you better. If you’re going down this path, the right level of spanking is the one that works for you and your partner.

This brings me to my wonderful and very capable spanker, my wife. She didn’t start with the most severe implement and start swinging. We spent years incorporating spankings into our foreplay and lovemaking. An example that comes to mind is if you’ve never driven a fast car before and get behind the wheel of a high-powered muscle car. If you “put the pedal to the metal,” you’re likely to lose control and crash. It’s better to start with a less powerful car and learn the ins and outs until you’re ready for something faster. Or, if you’re in a really fast car, lightly press the pedal and keep it under control until you gain more experience.

Implement Selection

Playing off of the previous paragraph, selecting the right implement for one’s experience is crucial for ensuring safety and enjoyment. Using an implement that one is not experienced in, and not using it carefully or without any practice, can lead to unintended injuries, such as the infamous “wrap-around” with a belt or cane, where the end or tip of the implement can strike the sides of the body, causing severe pain or bruising. Similarly, striking the tailbone with a wooden paddle can result in serious harm due to the lack of cushioning and proximity to the spine. Therefore, understanding the characteristics and potential risks of each implement is key to maintaining safety.

picture of sandals, a doubled over leather belt, punishment strap and bath brush

Spankings Are Physical

woman and man lifting weights

Spanking is obviously a very physical activity. During a spanking, your heart rate will likely increase as adrenaline kicks in, so it is a good idea for the spankee to be in good physical shape to handle that.

We are sharing our experiences based on ourselves and only ourselves. I am in decent shape, my cardio is good, and we engage in this activity with that in mind. Please understand that we can’t, don’t want to, and refuse to make those decisions for you. You need to assess your own situation and act accordingly. While we thought this was implicit, we felt it wise to explicitly point it out as our audience continues to grow.

holding hands at beach

Additionally, the spanker needs to be aware of safety as well. Giving a spanking is a physical activity for the person administering it, and it can get their blood pumping. They also need to be in good physical condition to deliver the types of spankings they are giving. It is crucial for them to keep their partner’s safety at the forefront, considering the implement they are using and where it is landing. For example, when swinging a belt, strap, or cane, ensure you know your distance to avoid it wrapping around and hitting your partner in the front. When using a heavy or hard implement, be mindful of the tailbone area and steer clear of it. Common sense must prevail. While we hope that what we share and write provides some insight, we can’t possibly anticipate every scenario to provide a disclaimer for.

By taking things slowly, communicating about what’s happening, and adhering to the principles of safety, sanity, and consent, we believe this lifestyle can bring forth new levels of love, trust, and intimacy.

Now…where to next?

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