Why Women Should Consider A F/M Spanking Relationship

Wife on throne holding a spanking cane

I am often inspired to write on topics based on requests from our readers or the comments left on some of our blog posts. One reader recently suggested writing a piece about how a man can ask his wife or girlfriend to try a spanking relationship. So, after giving it some thought, I figured I would just write to the ladies themselves. Ladies, if your husband or boyfriend has asked you to read this, I encourage you to do so with an open mind as I explain the many benefits of this type of relationship.

First off, I TOTALLY understand that the idea of spanking your husband or boyfriend might be a difficult concept to embrace. I too had never had any thought or intention of spanking my husband “for real” or having this sort of element in our relationship. Yet, here I am, and we’ve never been happier! That’s not to say we weren’t happy before, but we’ve transcended to new levels of happiness, as explained below.

Secondly, I’d like to point out that this isn’t the same thing as Femdom. Not that you couldn’t take it there if that’s what works for you as a couple (no judgement from me). But Femdom generally refers to the male being dominated by a female (or dominatrix) in areas of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism) and usually being part of a sexual scene or fantasy. But that is not what we do. It also doesn’t mean that your husband or boyfriend is, or should become, emasculated or wimpy. My husband, for example, is an impressive and ominous-looking gent. The type of guy who, when we walk hand in hand at the mall, other guys think twice before giving me any sort of flirtatious look. He is a “man’s man” in pretty much every way. Rides dirt bikes, played sports, trained in Jiu Jitsu, used to box, still lifts weights, works on cars, etc. And I love that. I liken this to having an ominous yet well-trained pitbull walking along side of me. It’s kinda’ like that.

And most importantly, this isn’t about humiliating or being mean to your husband. In fact, there needs to be a good foundation or basis for a relationship with which to begin. If you’re in an abusive or toxic relationship, this won’t (and shouldn’t) save that relationship. I am also not stating or implying in any way that adding spanking to your relationship can take the place of individual or couple’s counseling, if it is needed. But if you have a foundation of love and respect (even if it has been tarnished in recent months or years), I encourage you to read through this, as I truly believe in its ability to transform your marriage or relationship into achieving higher levels of trust, respect, intimacy, and love.

Benefits of a Spanking Relationship:

Little to No Tension

As I’ve probably stated in a variety of posts or pages on this site, this is a huge deal. We have very little tension between us because, after we agreed to this type of relationship (consensual) and set some ground rules (communication), there are very few things he does that really get me upset. Because over the years, when he’s done things to upset me (things he and I both agreed should be kept in check), I just took him to the woodshed and gave him a good, hard, and very real spanking for it. Not in a frenzy or out of control, but very structured and very real. I can tell you from experience that it only takes a time or two to get a REAL spanking, and they learn very quickly not to repeat the offense. As an example, I know women who have griped for years about their man leaving the toilet seat up or leaving his clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper. Over time, these seemingly small acts have grown into a huge contention point for them. I assure you that in our house, any and all bad habits like this have been addressed, and he no longer does them. Ergo…no tension.

HIS Well Being – My husband has a type A personality and drives himself pretty hard at work and play. As is the case, sometimes I can tell that he is stressed and perhaps feeling the weight of the world (by his own standards) weighing heavily on him. Usually, as I start to notice this, he also starts acting out in small ways with little bits of attitude, if not outright defiance. And I know that regardless of the reason, he needs that release of stress that re-calibrates his brain and his perspective. He’s mentioned to me many times that he feels “more balanced” or “calm” after a domestic discipline session. And not just immediately after the spanking, but for weeks afterwards. His attitude, stress level, and overall demeanor after a spanking are much improved. As his partner, I love being able to provide this for him. If your husband or boyfriend is asking you for this and you don’t provide it, you need to realize that he may seek out that element somewhere else. For some women, that might be OK, but I prefer to be the one to do it for a variety of reasons. Besides, if he needs it and is asking for it, it is helpful to him, and you love him. Wouldn’t you want to at least explore it? And as a nice aside, our relationship is better for it.

My Empowerment – Many women feel uncomfortable putting their foot down in a relationship. Society often dictates that women be compassionate and compliant. We must be communicative and agreeable with our partners. In very few areas of our lives can we rule with absolute power. After the initial “set-up” of the parameters of the new arrangement, a woman can be empowered in ways she had never thought possible! There is no threat of being considered a bitch, a ball-buster, a nag, bitter, or even undesirable. Her strength and control are wanted and needed. It can actually be a healthy outlet for her personally.

Eager to Please – Not gonna lie…I do love his eagerness to please after I’ve taken him down a notch or two. Without being “wimpy” about it, he becomes a model citizen who is very eager to please. I usually see this in his very polite responses, attitude, and the fact that he’ll generally knock an item or two off of his usually very short honey-do list. Perhaps in his Type A mind, he can allow himself to be more submissive during this time, considering what he just went through. He likes to excel at anything he does, so in this case, he is excelling at being well-behaved.

Pampered – He’s always been a romantic type of man, even going back to the days when we first started dating. But there is something else that happens when you’re in a spanking relationship. His adoration of you increases substantially. Not that he didn’t love you before. But, with this type of relationship, there has to be good communication throughout and a great deal of trust. This is a new level of intimacy that is hard to explain but certainly felt. And with this comes his increased desire to pamper and please me.

Well-Behaved – Bottom line: post-spanking, he is extremely well-behaved. Now for the record, I’d like to add that he was “brought up right” and is naturally a polite and well-mannered man. But like I stated above, he can get assertive or aggressive from time to time and just needs to be “re-balanced” now and then. And after said re-balancing, his “well-behaved-ness” is almost tangible.

Help Him Achieve Goals – This is something that was HIS request and I find very admirable. I’m sure you would agree that we all have things we want or set out to do. Or goals we want to achieve, but for a variety of reasons, we don’t get them done. It could be anything really. For example: going to the gym “x” number of times per week, lose “x” number of pounds or whatever…he’ll create a goal for himself and instead of just having that goal and keeping track of it himself. He’ll tell me what the goal is and ask for repercussions if he doesn’t achieve it by whatever timeline he thinks he should. This added amount of accountability has really improved his success rate on achieving his goals. Why? Because there is a real consequence that happens if he doesn’t. Without this consequence, he (like most of us), would just push the date back another week or month to achieve that goal because there are no real repercussions.

Short Honey Do List – If you guys share a home, you know that there never seems to be a shortage of things to do around the house. From mowing the lawn, changing the filters on the AC, getting the car lubed and oiled, bathing the dogs, replacing burnt-out light bulbs, etc. It is a never-ending list and continues to get things added to it. I’ve spoken to many of my girlfriends who have complained to varying degrees that their husband’s “honey do” list just keeps growing and that he doesn’t seem to place a high priority on most, if not all, things on the list. I’m glad to report that, due to the reasons mentioned above, my husband’s “honey-do” list is kept pretty short. And that is completely without me reminding, nagging, griping, bitching, etc. Now, isn’t THAT a pleasing thought?

“What about the size and strength difference? How could I possibly spank him, even IF I wanted to?” Well, if you were asked to read this article, then he’s already ASKING you to. Meaning there is some level of commitment on HIS end to submit himself to a real domestic discipline session. But here’s where the rubber meets the road (or perhaps where the paddle meets the butt). Some men asking you to do this may be in total fantasy mode. Only THINKING they want a real spanking.

woman paddling a man

So men, if you’re asking your wife to read this and you think you want to be accountable by way of real corporal punishment, are you prepared to take a real punishment spanking from her? That is, one swat right after another with an implement like a doubled-over belt, wooden paddle, bath brush, or cane? These implements HURT. But that is what makes them an effective deterrent and behavior modifier. Make sure you know what you’re asking for. If you’re looking for “fun spankings,”  that is a totally different conversation. But if you feel you can and want to submit to a real domestic discipline spanking and, more importantly, can take a real punishment spanking, then communicate that with your wife, and you two should test out a real spanking. Submitting to a real punishment is not an easy thing to do. Just ask my husband.

Back to the ladies… Most men want or need a powerful female partner in their relationship to hold them accountable. In fact, you’d be surprised at how many men would welcome the idea of being held accountable by way of a spanking. Perhaps you’re on your way.

Still not sure? Perhaps you’re thinking, “Should I even have to spank him? He’s an adult, for goodness sake.”

Yes, he is an adult, but as you’ve probably heard and experienced…men are just grown-up little boys.

The main differences now, are that their responsibilities have increased, their toys have gotten more expensive, and perhaps most importantly, the repercussions and punishments for their actions have lessened significantly, if not disappeared altogether. This is why most men can be so ornery, bratty, arrogant, and downright difficult at times. The plain fact of the matter is that men don’t always act like adults. Convince me otherwise. At one point or another, men will throw a fit, tantrum, act entitled, selfish, arrogant, or rude.

Many of these ornery or difficult episodes might beget a conversation (or argument), with the man refusing to take responsibility or admitting he was wrong. And what are the current repercussions for him in this scenario? Passive aggressive statements, nagging, ignoring him, withholding sex or affection? Certainly not healthy for any relationship. And what’s really crazy is that in many cases, the man has gotten so good at tuning you out that he doesn’t really understand why you’re doing those negative things to him and will start to resent YOU for YOUR actions. So not only does it not get resolved, it continues to cause frustration, and the resentment grows between the both of you.

At some point in time, the woman will do one of three things. 1) Try AGAIN to talk to him about it and her desire to curb the offending behavior. 2) Continue to tolerate it, which will continue to breed resentment. OR 3) She’ll leave.

Of course there is the other side of that coin too: 1) He will get tired of your “talks,”  nagging, and passive aggressive punishments. 2) He’ll continue to tolerate it, which will continue to build his frustration and resentment; or 3) HE’LL leave.

belt spanking over bedIn our situation, if my husband breaks a rule or does something else deemed a transgression, the best course of action is to give that little boy in a man’s body a good old-fashioned butt blistering. Aside from the pain from the spanking being an effective deterrent, this also works well because men respond to STRENGTH. It is hardwired into them. Men, unlike women, don’t usually learn or respond well to a lesson unless they FEEL the repercussions. Remember, it was a man who coined the phrase, “No pain, no gain.” Which translates to, “I have to feel some pain in order to improve my performance or situation.”

OK, I’m in…What’s next?

It all starts with good communication. Sit down together and ask him to come up with rules or things he thinks might be a good reason to get punished for. Paying a bill late. Forgetting to take out the trash. Forgetting to call when he’s going to be late. Ask him to be honest. Ask him if there are any behavior modifications that he’d like some accountability for. Like losing 5 lbs or drinking less, or gambling less. Whatever makes sense in your relationship.

Then, together, come up with rules around what a spanking—a REAL spanking—looks like to you. Describe how a real spanking means he can’t opt out of it. He has to be man enough to take what is being dished out. That’s what a real spanking is. The thought will assuredly scare him and perhaps even excite him at the same time. Remind him that if he is unable to take a real spanking, then it is just a fantasy to him and not a real punishment.

Tell him that in order for it to be an effective behavior modification tool, it needs to be fairly harsh. Ask him if that is what he is signing up for. Not beginning with a less intense implement like your hand or light sandal. Something a bit more severe, like a belt or paddle.

You may consider using a safeword but let’s be honest: in a real spanking, there generally aren’t any safewords. Perhaps the best approach is to have a safeword, but it is only reserved to convey an actual emergency. Not just to get out of a spanking.

This is where trust and responsibility intersect.

Real Domestic Discipline Spankings

Another approach is to maybe start with a defined number. Let’s say 10 or 20 swats with a paddle for a particular offense. That spanking should be given on the bare butt; no warm-up, no rubbing his butt in between swats, or long lengths of time in between swats. Question for the man: “Can you stay in position for this kind of spanking? Is this level of accountability what you’re ready to accept?”

The good news, ladies, is that if your husband is ready, agrees to this, and CAN take the punishment, you’ll see that these real punishment sessions WILL bring forth the very changes in attitude and behavior that you’ve been trying to achieve using other, less effective, more harmful ways that are also damaging to the relationship.

A good hard spanking, something that he opted into (consensual) but still very real, IS going to make an impression on him. Not just his backside but his psyche. Not only will he feel regret for the transgression that he was getting spanked for, he’ll also appreciate you and recognize your newfound power. And he’ll become eager to correct his behavior and please you.

It is important to remember that, at the end of the spanking, I firmly believe that you should hold him or give him some affection. I know after I’ve given my husband a severe whuppin’, I WANT to hold him afterwards. I want to let him know that I still love him and that the spanking is over.

The reason or transgression for the spanking happened and is in the past. The real spanking addressed that transgression, and once the spanking is over, the punishment is over. There are no grudges held, no silent treatment given, and no passive, aggressive bullshit. He earned a punishment, and you gave it to him. It is now time to express your love for him. He will ADORE you for this.

After I give my husband a hard spanking, I always tell him to come to me. He’ll usually walk over to me with his head down and then kneel in front of me. He’ll hold me around my waist and apologize for his actions very sincerely as I lovingly caress his hair. It is a very intimate moment between us.

Not to mention that when you are giving him an honest to goodness butt whuppin’, if you did have any tensions and frustrations with him, they too are getting released during the act of the spanking. But again, it is imperative that you not be out of control. A real spanking is one that is hard but always in control.

And in the future, instead of not feeling like you’re being heard or that you are powerless…You’ll find it’s quite the contrary. His selective listening will significantly diminish, and you will be heard loud and clear. You’ll feel a power surge within you, like one you’ve probably not felt before. Just at the notion that you can take him to the woodshed and tan his backside for any misdeed. And your husband, who has accepted this approach and been pushed to his limits and beyond, will see you in a more powerful light and love and respect that power.

Jess taking her belt off and doubling it over
He may wear the pants, but I hold and SWING the belt.


There is no resentment as there would be with the silent treatment or other toxic passive aggressive methods. No, he wanted and agreed to be held accountable in this way. And trust me, the pain from the domestic discipline session will start to cultivate him into a better person. BTW, the last part of that last sentence was a quote from my husband, who has been living with the accountability of real corporal punishment for years now. He has told me several times that he appreciates me taking the time and effort to correct him in this way.

Real domestic discipline allows a man to throw off the mantle of expectation and release control to his partner in these situations. And just as importantly, it allows his partner to feel empowered in a way that doesn’t take anything away from his masculinity. Because that power was given by choice (consensual).

We’ve all heard the saying, “Behind every great man…is a great woman.” Well, maybe she was behind him with a belt. 😉

Also see my follow up post to this: Can You Spank Your Husband Without Feeling Bad.

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Good morning, in my case it was my wife who proposed it to me, I loved that he spanked me, in fact I thank him for having made me stop smoking, it cost a lot of beatings with the slipper and many marks on the body but thanks to that I don’t smoke anymore.


A great article, Wicked Queen. I have some male friends that are trying to get their wives, gf’s to punish them. I will pass this blog on to them for their wives to read. Thank you for writing this.



For me, I asked my wife to discipline me but the only implement we use is the slipper because I am obsessed with feet and slippers.


Hi Wicked Queen,

I love your website! I’ve tried many times to get into a domestic discipline relationship with my wife. She’s sweet and has tried to do it to please me, so it hasn’t really worked. I asked her to read your website and she really liked it – especially the post with the hangers – she has a few pet peeves and completely related to it.
She’s started to give me a list of chores complete with deadlines, so this is definitely something new. So far she’s given me lines for delaying a task and has left her heavy wooden hairbrush on her bedside table. I’ll let you know how it develops.
Thank you for inspiring her!
All the best,


Hi Wicked Queen,

The ATS sounds very fun, well for you anyway! My wife is very methodical so wouldn’t be interested in randomness. I however would love to see the ATS! She’s created a structure for me that involves things like regular chores, Bedtime, a driving license that she endorses with demerits for what she feels is dangerous or illegal among other things (if I accumulate 12 demerits she will confiscate my keys for a week).
Since I last wrote, she’s spanked me once but is still scared to hurt me so it wasn’t so bad.
I would so buy the ATS if you make it available 🙂


Your stuff is awesome good article. Truth to when you said men are boys in adult bodies with more expensive toys


Yeah. I’m 25 and my girl punishes me for fun and for dominance to please herself.I’m a cage fighter and firefighter so I’m pretty masculine. I don’t mind it’s our dirty lil secret nobody knows about it just us

Spanked Soon

Will have to present this to my wife. However we have little ones with very little alone time. Not sure how it would work. Any ideas?

Antonia Lee

Every man who wants his wife to become a disciplinarian should show her this article. The key is the benefits to HER. When my husband introduced me to domestic discipline, I had no idea how much I would benefit. Wives need to understand this! Here are just a few of the benefits to me:

1. I have not cleaned a toilet since we started DD.
2. I get a foot massage or a pedicure whenever I want. (I actually sent him to a training program to learn manicures and pedicures.)
3. We no longer have big fights. I can end a fight whenever I want by spanking him.
4. His attitude is a thousand percent better. He is always asking me what he can do for me.
5. When I talk, he actually listens.
6. He is much calmer and much quieter. He lives by the F/m adage that “talking is the third purpose of the male tongue.”
7. Speaking of which: He kneels for me at least once a day. I kneel for him on his birthday.

I could list a million more!


My problem is that my wife already gets all that from me. And she likes me to be dominant. I see no way to talk to her about this subject that she would understand.

Gary McKee

This is a beautiful treatise on the immeasurable power available to those ladies (and there are many) who are weighing the prospect of introducing spanking in their committed relationship. I have had dozens of conversations about love and marriage with men from all walks of life. I continue to be very impressed by the number of gentlemen who yearn for the discipline of a strict loving lady. My conclusion is that this trend is growing and appears to be the wave of the future.

I say give it a go, ladies! Believe me, a man will never be “over you” after he has spent quality time over your knee.

Love and Blessings,


When my wife and I started our DD journey she was very hesitant and did not want to become my disciplinarian. After a great deal of talking she agreed to try it for 3 months and then let me know her decision . That was 12 years ago and could not be happier. We are not in a FLR , I take care of all the finances and investments.l also try to help her with household chores.


As a man I tottaly agree with this. I had one girl friend some years ago who did not hesitate to spank me.
I have not found a woman since that has any interest and some have thought I was really weird for bringing up the subject.


OK, wanting to do this for my wife to empower her but have never been spanked, even as a child. She may also resist giving a punishment spanking to me because she won’t want to cause me pain. Hopefully if she reads your article it would convince her to give it a try. Is there such a thing as a trial period or test spanking so we both know what were getting ourselves into or do we just need to jump in and do it? My wife tends to suppress her anger because she doesn’t want to upset me even though I’m pretty easy going, but ends up hurting both of us because she withdraws and won’t communicate. My thought is that if I put her unconditionally in charge of my discipline that she would be empowered to better be able to communicate her feelings. There are times that I know that I hurt her without knowing it but she isn’t usually willing to share. I do know that I can be hard headed and set in my ways sometimes which is some of the things the spankings should help me correct. I also like your idea of using it for self improvements as I could use to lose 30 to 40 pounds and should be better on my to do list. Your thoughts!


We still have adult children and grandchildren living with us so it’s been hard to get started. They should be moving out to their own house in the next month though so I hope to be able to get slowly started over the next few months. I think that I will suggest just starting out with hard but fun spankings and work our way up from there. I tell her each time how much I enjoy the spankings, but that they could have been even harder and longer so she can get comfortable giving them and know that I appreciate her giving them to me. When I think we’re ready I will have her read your article so that she can feel free to give “real spankings” whenever she feels it’s necessary. From then on she’s in charge.


This is the perfect article to give to any wife who has the potential but needs the hard facts about what it takes and what she should expect. It is really great to have this information available from a wife’s perspective, and one who is experienced, knows what she’s doing, has gotten the results and can explain everything so clearly. I know this is not an easy sell. Most women are not raised with this as a model for marriage. Harsh corporal punishment is not embraced by our culture, and I think to most people it feels cruel and wrong. If my wife asked, I would have a hard time truly punishing her, and I would understand what she wants without explanation. Real punishment is not wanted by me, the one being punished, or me, the one who would be administering it.

I wish my wife was a candidate, but that doesn’t mean I love her any less. Even with her own kids, she is the gentle type who is always going to try to win them over with kindness. She hates confrontation. She will never physically punish. I’ve talked with her about DD, showed her articles and videos, even got her to try an actual spanking. Her heart is never in it and, I don’t want her to have to deal with going beyond her limits.

As you know, in order for this to work, a wife must be comfortable as a very strict disciplinarian, and despite being loving, caring and safe, she must be able to give a spanking that her husband will genuinely not want repeated. My wife would have to be okay with causing me to fear her discipline. She would have to see and carry through with an ugly scene, the reality of a bad boy hollering, crying, kicking, and ultimately sitting on purple for days. If she did that, my subsequent behavior and attitude would be effectively corrected, but that’s not an acceptable trade-off for her. Not that I’m so bad. I want to please her regardless. The draw is largely that, despite my hating the punishment, she would become a powerful authority figure in my life. I would be hugely excited by that power she wants to wield, but it has to be true to her character or it is too much to ask of her.


This is exactly what makes DD and a very strict wife so appealing and, I imagine, so fulfilling for a husband who is accountable to her. The fact that you are kind-hearted, nurturing and fair is why discipline can feel positive and work effectively. My wife could make a great disciplinarian because I would have to respect and value her judgment, not just because she was capable of administering real spanking punishment, but because of who she is. When I see my punished behind in the mirror the next day, or feel discomfort when sitting down, the message she imprinted can only be that this is what I rightfully earned, and that it was given with the moral authority she is so worthy of holding. I’m reminded of my own strict parent when punishment was clearly earned, and there was no second-guessing the motivation behind it. When my wife acts in that strict-but-caring role, it enhances feelings like that, but also positive feelings that go well beyond.


Do you think it can go both ways or does one person have to be in charge? Could you both be held accountable

Last edited 3 years ago by GGG

The couples I communicate with generally do not switch, either because their spanking relationship started out that way and naturally remained so or because they tried switching and discovered that one partner eventually needed to be either “er” or “ee”. My wife is dominant by nature and established how such things would be handled if we were to stay together. Fine by me! Her way of dealing with me is strict, fair and final when she has spoken her authoritative word. In an argument, she lets me know when I am on thin ice with her. Beyond that point, I have only myself to blame. But if a couple can maintain balance by switching, more power to them! I just know it is out of the question in my own marriage.


Quick question, how do you handle or explain bruises on the buttocks’ when you go to the doctor or emergency room? I wouldn’t want my spouse accused of abuse. If something happened where I couldn’t tell them it was consensual she’d have no proof. I really want to give this a try but don’t want to start anything that could get my wife in trouble with the law especially if something happened to me. Is there a document that could be prepared ahead of time that would show that it was consensual?

Last edited 3 years ago by Anonymous

Thank You, I think that I like the video idea. It might be kind of awkward getting a document like that notarized. I do like being prepared though and I would feel terrible if something like that did happen and my wife was arrested for it. As you say it’s probably a slim chance of anything happening but just to be prepared. If I have a doctors appointment coming up we can just pause things for a couple of weeks to make sure that everything is cleared up.


This is an interesting angle I hadn’t considered. Unless you brought charges against your wife, why would she be a suspect in the case? You could have gotten the bruises many ways, including from a professional disciplinarian.


So you’re right that I would never press any charges. However spanking marks can be quite distinctive, especially if from a cane or switch. So if something happened like a car accident, heart attack or a stroke just to name a few where you could be unconscious or even pass away and the police, doctor or coroner found the marks could they charge your wife with abuse? Even if they didn’t charge her with anything the potential questioning could be quite intense. I’m wanting to do this to empower my wife, not put her into any legal peril.


So enjoyed this article and so wish I had a female partner and a relationship like yours. You make a lot of sense. Too bad this is not much more common.


How to make contact if I spot someone here?


I very much want to leave this blog post open on my wife’s iPad by accident


I’ve freely sent links to my girl on messenger – then again – I had confessed my desires previously, so the articles were more for instructional purposes rather than breaking the news.

Don’t discount the value and effectiveness of a few subtle hints, and a confession here and there that “I really deserve a sound spanking for this…” or the like. I also find that certain situations often lend themselves to moments of frank honesty.


WQ. I came across your blog some months ago and circumstances led me to forward this post to my husband, after his initial surprise that I felt that this would be helpful, and further discussions regarding the “circumstances” we agreed to a trial run of such an arraignment. One of his biggest issues was lying (big or small) and as we know lies build up to bigger problems so I told him he has to pay the price for lying. I gave him a number and as we are not experienced in this dynamic and as I don’t wish to cause him harm I broke up the “amount owed” to a daily number.

It has been a week of his nightly penance and accountability sessions and I am truly amazed at the results I have seen in his motivation, ability to think clearly and critically, as well as driving home the lesson that lying and hiding in his own head and wallowing in his own self destructive habits does not make for a harmonious life.

I wanted to reach out and express my gratitude to you both that I was not in fact insane for thinking a good kick in the ass (literally) would help him keep his head on straight. He has already verbalized to me that his sore ass is a constant reminder to behave and keep his shit together



I cannot imagine this being successful or even possible without having a discussion, the man is literally twice my size it would be physically impossible. 😂😂

Thank you for responding and allowing yourself to be a resource.


Many years ago shortly after we were married I made the mistake of insulting my wife’s mother and demeaning her religious beliefs. She waited to respond until we were in her house with no one else present. She listed my offenses and then sternly said that she would make certain I would be more considerate in the future. She said she was going to give me a spanking I would never forget. At first I thought she was joking but as she continued and became more stern and delineated exactly what she intended it became clear she wasn’t joking. As I pushed back and tried to dissuade her she said I was making things worse and warned me to shut up. She asked if my mother had ever taken down my pants and tanned my behind, to which I said of course not. She said it showed and that she was going to do exactly that. She ordered me to wait for her in my wife’s childhood bedroom. To this day I am not sure why I didn’t refuse or leave but thought how bad can it be? Embarrassing? So I waited and was getting nervous and feeling conflicted. I was big enough to resist and wanted to just get it over before someone came in which would have been really humiliating. When she entered she was carrying a short strap and a determined look. She began scolding me again and then told me to stand up. She took hold of my arm and told me to drop my pants. I said no way, and she turned me to face her and slapped my face so hard I saw stars. Then she told me again to drop my pants and this time I did. When the strap landed I jumped startled by the stinging pain and I tried to block the strap with my hand. Big mistake the strap hurt my hand and as I tried to move out of the way the strap landed again and I shouted out a four letter expletive. Then she with remarkable strength bent me over the dresser and really blistered my behind. Before she was done I was begging her to stop and promised to be good. She left with me clutching my behind and giving no thought to modesty. I took me a bit to compose myself and that night at dinner I had real trouble sitting. This never happened again but my wife knew and soon began many years of spanking me. I was very careful not to cross mother in law again.


My wife has given me some stern hand smacks before over time. They aren’t super hard or as hard as she could but also I could feel them. I am a pretty big guy and was laughing one time after she smacked me on the bare butt before I went in the shower that she had really reddened my butt. I was doing it partially because I wanted to see if she would say oh yeah and really go to town on me. One day I was getting out of the shower and I didn’t realize she was behind me and she gave me a sound smack across the bare ass. A minute later I had a towel around my waist and she said oh you put some protection over yourself huh? I undid the towel and told her go ahead, I deserve it (which I do) and she replied, nah too much padding on you, I would need a paddle. She is kind of the dominant one in the house, we have little kids, I don’t know if this is tongue and cheek and I should continue to pursue the playful element and see if it can grow more from there OR actually take the plunge and show her something like this website. At the end of the day I’d love to have my transgressions handled right away instead of via resentments that come out much later and result in ignoring me, withholding sex, etc.
any advice WQ or Joey?
Love the site, your both excellent writers by the way.

Ryk Morland

Although I don’t go around smelling of rampant testosterone, I’m a fairly assertive person. I run my own creative business, which I started in my 20s. I have been a keen rugby player and a reasonable amateur racing driver. Yet the women I most love have always spanked my bare bottom. First it was my mother – young, beautiful and loving – but emotionally and physically deprived. My father was away most of the time and when he was there…put it this way: I never saw my father kiss my mother – but I did see him looking down other ladies’ dresses. I was an only child.
As a result, my mother and I had a very close relationship. She taught me to read at an early age, took me to fascinating places, spoke to me as if I was far older. And she had none of the usual hang-ups. If I walked in on her when she was dressing, she’d just carry on.

Nevertheless, she sometimes spanked me and spanked me hard. Not for the usual things – but for genuinely bad manners e.g. bullying, or hurting someone’s feelings unnecessarily. At first, she spanked me over her knee. Later, she bought a cane (she had been caned at her convent school). With due ceremony, I would be told to lower my trousers and underpants and bend over. She would usually give me 6 strokes – but once, after my recklessness had nearly caused the death of an eight-year-old girl, she gave me 12.

Now, after the usual batch of romances and affairs, I am very happily married. My wife Erica – also beautiful and loving – also canes me. This started when, at a rather drunken party, she found me in flagrante. She was on the verge of ditching me, until my mother -who has become very fond of her – suggested that a severe caning might be a better solution.
It was a very severe caning. , but it worked in two very important ways.
1) I will never ever stray again. I love Erica far too much to risk losing her.
2) And this is the crunch: from a very early age, I associated bare-bottom spanking by a woman with being aroused. I have also administered a few myself, as part of foreplay.
And now, especially after a caning, Erica and I have amazing sex.
Domestic F/m spankings are many-slendoured things.

John Smith

The major benefit for my wife and me is that at the end of the spanking (assuming she has done it as long and hard as she saw fit), we start with a clean slate. No holding onto grudges, everything is dealt with during the spanking.

John Smith

Indeed. I take the view that as the man, I should take the pain (for her benefit) of re-establishing harmony so that grudges have no opportunity to fester beyond the next spanking. I wish more men would step up to manhood and take the pain for the long-term good of their marital lives.


I have always wanted to be in a FLR but never found the woman.

James Burgess

WOW great article. My wife is the spanker in our relationship but is not very consistent with it. But when I get spanked it is no joke. So I stumbled on your article and well got a little nervous but asked her to read it, and she did. The next thing I knew she walked into the bathroom and dropped my pants and underwear, exposed my backside and said, “So lets discuss today.” and preceded to tan my hide with the dreaded hairbrush. After I was whimpering, she said, “That will do for now, am I understood?” “Yes ma’am.” is all I could say and as she walked out she said, “Nice article.” So I am now wondering if this just made her to be more consistent. I hope so, but thanks for your time and the article. When I can sit longer I will update.


My wife did this to me today.


As you know, my wife is on her way to becoming my full-time disciplinary wife. I could not be happier!!! She had spanked me before, but not punishment spankings. Eventually, I hope to cry………..that would be a dream come true! please contact us at my email and I will let you know how to get ahold of her. You are The Wicked Queen and I’m sure she would like your advice.


Are you any closer to releasing those Wicked Switches?


My wife of 39 years decided (with a little pressure from me), that spanking may help my attitude, laziness, weight gain etc. Problem is that apparently my bottom can take a lot more than she can dish out. Still every Monday morning she delivers a good walloping to my backside for one transgression or another. Love that woman and I just wish she could make the sting last.


What the Wicked Queen said! I’ve found that the “cute” little bamboo paddle I got my woman can make a pretty lasting impression on my bottom. Found a leather paddle/strap on Amazon that also packs a punch. On my list is a nice Italian leather belt as the Queen mentions in one of her articles. Just the thought of it makes me want to behave and -not- give her a reason to unleash it on me.


I gave my wife-to-be, a paddle to use on me about 45 years ago! We were married soon thereafter! She took to it like a duck to water! We both get aroused when she spanks me. I even crave severe punishment spankings!


I am not aroused during a severe spanking with “MY” Vermont bath brush! Before the spanking and the next day and for years later I AM!


She sent me to the bedroom to “Assume the position” and then took her sweet time, (about 40 minutes) before she delivered a severe spanking with 3 different implements! It was very unnerving. Somehow it scared me, destroyed my confidence, and I cried like a baby which I seldom do after a severe spanking. She told me afterwards, “The long wait causes you to squirm in anticipation, was part of your punishment. You know how your bratting really p####s me off!”

Have you ever used this tactic, (keeping Joey in the assumed position for an extended length of time),to make a point?

Red Butt

Hi, my wife is a natural leader. When we first started dating I gave her a crop. She disappeared, then came back into the living room when I was, wearing black heels and a black lace teddy and order me to assume the position. She is mischievous at heart and a natural mistress. But after 6 years of disciplining me, said she can no longer do it. I miss this side of her, and wonder if this sort of activity would interest her? I know she didn’t like the dressing up part, but I can’t explain, the sight of her holding a crop drives me wild. Plus I love her to death so for her to have a list of chores or wants, and then spank me as she request they be completed is all I need. Thoughts?


I have really fantasized about spanking since I was a child but I have never been spanked. now I introduced the idea to my wife and she is really interested in it, but just to make me happy. I read a lot that real discipline is not fun as we see them in video or pictures. it really hurts so I am really confused should I tell her it is just for fun and keep it with just light smacks should I try to give up my spanking fantasies kindly to answer in details cause I am a little worried a bout that idea even scared by reading that discipline is done just for important issue not for fun or pleasure.

Last edited 2 years ago by Peter

I apologize if this has been asked and answered elsewhere, but I’m curious about a few things.

What happens if your husband ever decides he’s ‘over it’? Does your relationship have space for him to considee this? I recognize that it’s all consensual, and that it’s resulting in many positive outcomes for you both. Are there down sides? What are they, for you and for him?

Are there balances to the checks? How does this not end up being a primarily one sided power balance? What happens if / when you behave badly (we all do sometimes)?

Knowing myself pretty well, I do feel like I would benefit from many aspects of what you describe throughout this blog, but I also know that – even though I would likely benefit immensely from having my wife administer discipline, I also know that I would eventually chafe if I felt an “unfairness” in our relationship.

I don’t mean any of this in a critical way, or to try and “poke holes” in your guidance-on the contrary, i find your blog helpful, thoughtful, and detailed. I guess I’m just wondering if you have grappled with any of these thouggts or questions and, if so, how you have navigated them. Thank you very much.


Thank for you very much for your response. I’ve thought about this for many years, but only recently discussed it with my wife. I suppose I was embarrassed. We’ve been talking about it for a few days now, and your blog has been an excellent resource for us both. She surprised me by actually being very enthusiastic. She thinks it could be very beneficial for our relationship, and for me. We have agreed to a two week trial of a sort of FLR, with her holding me accountable and correcting my behaviour as needed, starting on Monday. I’m not going to lie – I have more than a little anxiety about it. It’s also hard for me to work out whether this is sincere on my part, or part of my landscape of fantasy. I don’t think it will be helpful if it’s not actually genuine; if it’s in reality just part of some sort of fetish, and I wonder if doing this trial will reveal this to me. I also worry that, if it does end up being actually about discipline, that I will feel ‘less’ than her, not as equals, or lack freedom to be myself, not just in the things we’ve determined I need to work on, but in the ways that make me me. It’s all a little mixed up in my head, trying to untangle the sexual aspects of it from the self-improvement aspects, and navigating the myriad of feelings I have ranging from optimism and hopefulness to anxiety and fear, but I feel like I owe it to her and to myself to at least give it a good faith try.


Hey Will and thanks for the comments. Jess mentioned your comments to me and asked if I could put my two bits in. Here are thoughts regarding…

“…downsides for me.” – Well the obvious downside for me, is taking a severe whuppin’ every once in a while. But to be honest, by that point, not only have I earned it and deserve it…SHE’s earned and deserves the right to give it to me. While I don’t enjoy the spanking in and of itself, man does it settle my ass down. I feel quite balanced and calm afterwards. When it is over, I’m of course, glad it’s over, but I’m also grateful that my wife was and still is, open to holding me accountable in this way. And while it is not “fantasy” for us, there is still something sexy about looking at my wife post spanking, and realizing the power she has, and the pain she can bring should I cross the line. It’s almost an intoxicating thought.

“…could be beneficial to our relationship.” – I know for a fact, it has benefited ours and other’s have reached out to us to share the same.

“…lack of freedom to be myself…in the ways that make me, me.” – This is really great foresight. The answer is going to come out in the wash. But as Jess mentioned, you convey your thoughts very well; so communicate that to your wife. I know for a fact that some of what makes me…ME, is also what ends up getting my ass blistered on occasion. But, it is now better controlled. My personality didn’t change, I still am/can be that funny, ornery, playful man she fell in love with. But when that gets to be over the top, she has a tool at her disposal to quickly tone that down. I recognize that this cultivates me, because as she said, I can get too “macho” for my own good. I suspect that your wife loves you for being you…but…perhaps there are similarities in her desire to just take the edge off?

Lastly, I whole-hardheartedly agree with the points Jess brought up about real spankings. Consensual, safe and sane are the words to keep in mind. You can always start off by incorporating a safe-word, and then just try not to use it. A real spanking is quite the painful ordeal, but…that’s what makes it effective. Good luck to you both!


Thank you both for your thoughtful responses and your insights. After discussion, we decided that two weeks would not give us the time necessary to ‘settle in’ and discover what this is ‘really like’, so we shifted our agreement from a straight two week trial to a ten week structure – two weeks following the agreement as written with a renegotiation followed by a further eight week trial before we make a more permanent decision.

Regarding your comments on safety and ‘starting slow’, we are definitely going to take things one step at a time. I have been spanked (for fun) MANY times, and a few times by my wife, but a much more experienced friend of ours was kind enough to offer her a training session on Monday night, explaining and demonstrating how to use the belt and the cane. She practiced and he helped her make the adjustments she needed to . She’s not hitting SUPER hard yet, but is confident that her swing will get harder as she gains confidence and experience.

As for the actual program of DD we are trialing, it has been quite an experience (and we’re only four days into it). I have found my thoughts to be all over the place. Sometimes I want to quit – I get down and moody or my anxiety spikes and I just want to be ‘free’, the way I was before this started. But then I think about how things have already started improving between us (they were great before, but there have definitely been some improvements that have been VERY significant, to say the least). Other times, I find myself sort of obsessed with this project and I get excited thinking about how it will improve our lives and sort of spiral into thinking about how it’s all going to work etc.

We agreed to start off with a sort of weekly check-in where any punishment from throughout the week would be administered, and that will happen on Sunday, with her having to option to give impromptu corrections as and when needed. Surprisingly, we did have a bit of a disagreement on Monday night (the very first night) I wasn’t trying to test her – it just happened organically, and I have to admit I was a little shocked when, in the middle of our discussion, she suddenly stood up and grabbed the cane. A part of me didn’t really believe she ‘had it in her’, I guess, or that it might happen ‘some day’, but to have our trial begin with a ‘drop everything and get your butt over the end of the bed’ punishment was really jarring. I was genuinely scared when I saw the look on her face and, for her part, after it was over, she told me she loved me and forgave me, but she also admitted that she felt MUCH better for having done it.

We’ve got a long way to go, and a lot of discussion and communication. I keep wavering in my feelings and thoughts – several times a day I think ‘I don’t wanna do this’, and then the pendulum swings the other way. When I’ve told her about my doubts or asked if we should just forget the whole thing, she has been kind but firm, reminding me that we agreed to a minimum of ten weeks – I told her I figured I would have all sorts of feelings, and that I would likely want to quit, but she promised to remain strong and hold us to this trial. After she punished me on Monday night, of her own accord, this all became very real to me, and it became more ‘HERS’ than it is ‘mine’ in significant ways. I feel something of a loss of control and my thoughts and feelings about that are ambiguous to say the least, but we made a commitment to one another and we both feel strongly about honoring commitments, so we are going to see this through.


Hey Will and likewise with you providing/expanding on your thoughts and insights. While I think each couple dynamic is unique to them, there is one thing I wanted to mention as it pertains to your periodic thoughts of “wanting to quit” or “be free”. I think it might be helpful for you to realize that you’re NOT trapped. You CAN stop it at any time. Just knowing that, I hope can bring some relief to any panicked thoughts that might arise. For ME, I fully know I can be a handful and that I have assertive/aggressive tendencies. I know that Jess spanking me, provides some balance and control over the negative facets of those traits. I also know that the punishment that I will receive, is going to be painful and not enjoyable at all. But that is something that ~I~ decided to offer up to her. I don’t submit to ANYONE, except her. She knows this as well. This provides added weight to my act of submitting to her for these punishments. For the record, I still get nervous before a spanking, and sometimes when I’ve gotten impromptu spankings, my self-preservation kicks in and I’m reluctant to accept the spanking for just a moment. But I do know that this works well for me, her, and us; and I bend over and take what I have coming. Jess has never spanked me for something that I didn’t fully earn and deserve. I think also knowing that can be helpful. Sorry, kind of had a thought, then started getting off on some tangents, but my underlying point is that YOU do have control, but you are choosing to submit to your love. I’m not sure I conveyed this as well as I could have, but I hope at least some of this was helpful. 🙂

John Smith

I am not 100% sure from your wording that spanking has already started. Is this the case? I am guessing it is.

I suppose my wife had some sort of reluctance, but I met this reluctance with reassurance. When she had given me a painful spanking, I thanked her for it and hugged and kissed her. We then made love (as is our custom), with me kissing her throughout. After this happening for a few days, she became fully comfortable with spanking me.

If you have to use fun spankings as an intermediate step to a full disciplinary spanking, there is nothing wrong with that.

Is she showing reluctance at the moment?


My mother used a wooden spoon on me several times until the age of ten. During the spankings I would say the magic words: “Mommy loves me”. 18 years after the last one, I went to our nurse for a hepatitis vaccine, in the buttocks. I had a crush on her, and she was a very assertive woman. While injecting in one cheek, she slapped the other, and from then on I knew I wanted an F/m spanking relationship. Women show their affection for men by spanking them. But this is Israel, and nobody who grew up here was spanked. My wife is a sex therapist who considers spanking a behavior that needs to be corrected. For 20 years I stifled the desire, but now, at 68, my brother’s age when COVID 19 took him from us, I decided no more. I asked her for a birthday spanking and gave her a wooden spoon. She said no, that I can make my own arrangements. Paying for it will not be considered cheating. No sex. Until now, though, my adult spankings have been sexual in nature. How do I know what to ask for? I can’t really see the point of a disciplinary spanking from a woman who doesn’t know me.


Hi Evil Queen,

Maybe you’ve already touched on this and I missed it, or maybe not, but anyway, for the “Why?” of a F/M – FLR arrangement, couldn’t another benefit be “Help HER to reach HER goals”?

My loving woman and I both have a bad habit of enjoying eating and drinking more than we should at times. We both play the “bad influence” card as far as late-night snacking on rich foods, or “just one more glass” of wine or a nightcap. Unfortunately, this wrecks havoc with weight loss goals and being in beavh-body shape for that upcoming vacation.

I TRY not to be the bad influence – and when I am I write it on my “Naughty Boy List” for my girl to address weekly or so. But, I think I could be doing more to reach both of our goals by being a little stronger for her when she’s tempted by the little devil on her shoulder urging the opening of another bottle of wine or some rich snack or late-night dessert.

Since we both should be looking out for each other’s well-being, I’m think I need to be a little stronger and lovingly do my best to steer her away from that occasional diet-sabotaging behaviour. My failing to do all I can in that situation would be an item I should list for her to address when the sins are read off my list.

Does that make sense to you, and how might you suggest I do more to be a better supporting partner for her when she is the one listening to that naughty voice in her head?

Thanks for all of your articles BTW – I think they’re helping my girl to feel more comfortable giving me the “incentive” I need to be the best man I can be for her.


Thanks for the reply WQ!

Wasn’t thinking so much M/F spanking (she’s more the spanker than spankee), rather that part of my duty to her is be a stronger partner by helping her reach her goals. NOT being that strong partner would be a failure on my part and a(nother) reason why -I- get the belt.

We’re pretty new at this – just a couple of weeks and half a dozen spankings – and she’s still overcoming that “I don’t want to hurt you” instinct. So frankly, I’m giving her opportunities to hone her skills until she feels comfortable “swinging for the fences” as you might put it.

On another note, I have a fairly major offense that I need to be punished for, and I’m holding off asking her to do the honors until she’s confident that she can deliver a spanking of the severity appropriate to that offense. Of course I’m dreading that spanking but know I deserve it, and hoping that having her deliver it will be a positive act for her and for us both to feel the skate has been wiped clean.

John Smith

Regarding the not wanting to hurt you part, this is where regular reassurance comes into play and why spanking just before making love works well. Following a spanking, I make sure to embrace and kiss her, so as to get her used to the idea of hurting me by spanking me. Making love after the slate has been wiped clean (by means of a spanking) is definitely the ideal situation.

Regarding the appropriate severity thing, I suppose she can increase the strength in her arms and/or she can choose instruments that cause more pain. Lexan paddles and loopy Johnnies seem to work well for me! One of the things I found attractive in my wife was her arm strength, knowing how it could be put to good use!


Thanks for the input John.

Though I am into spankings as foreplay, we’re keeping spankings and sex separate – aside from an occasional playful smack here and there. So far though, the spankings I’m receiving have been fairly mild, but she IS getting over her natural aversion to causing pain. Though I suppose that there is always a bit of “this hurts me more than it hurts you” coming from someone delivering a punishment spanking – I tell her that I don’t want this to make HER feel bad or even feel like an added chore.

She tells me that she is getting more used to it, feeling less worried about “hurting me”, and even getting to enjoy it. I want her to feel empowered, confident, and in control.

As for the appropriately harsh spanking I have coming, she says “if that’s what you want, I’ll do it” – but I’m waiting until she’s more practiced and can deliver it without any guilt or remorse. It needs to be terrible for me – not for her. I need to pay for a transgression, and I’d like for her to feel as good as possible about delivering what I have coming.

She’s plenty strong and if she wanted she could easily dish out more than I could take. Even a waif of a girl could do some serious damage with a cane!


I am a single male 50’s and have been looking for this type of relaonship for some time and have not been able to find a woman with any interest at all. How does one go about finding a woman who who belives in this ?


Hey Darin, thanks for the comment. I’m actually working on an e-book that might help out in this regard. I just need to spend the time to finish it. I’m a little over half way there. We’ll post on here when it’s done. In the meantime, wishing you the best of luck in finding that special woman. I believe she’s out there! 🙂

Roy Wells

I don’t know why it is that a woman’s standard response to an argument is to storm out of the house with no further communication. That all ends if a spanking relationship is in place. She just says in a loud clear voice, ” into the bedroom, pants down.” I know the argument is over and to ready myself for her belt or strap on my bare behind. I bend over the bed and usually put a pillow underneath so my rear sticks way up. When she enters and slides her belt off I am trembling and don’t have to wait for the spanking to begin. I am in heaven afterwards as she holds me tightly against her chest and keeps saying, “there there it’s over now,” My tears are flowing freely from the pain of that spanking but I truly feel wonderful.


Good Morning W. Queen, I too am one of those guys that needs his Wife’s help with discipline. I’m a pretty good guy, but I know I could also be better. I have e-mailed my wife this web address to read. I do understand what I am asking her to do. She doesn’t want to hurt me. This is not a fantasy, I’m for real. Without pain there is no gain, 10-4. Wish her luck and strength. It’s not an easy decision for Her. Thank You so much for taking the time to write out this course in D/D, truly. mickmack13


Thank you W. Queen.


I hope, if she is like my wife, once she tries it a few times when she is legitimately upset by your behavior or attitude and sees the different relationship dynamic, conflict resolution and change in behavior/attitude she will love it. Over the last couple years my wife has fully embraced being the disciplinarian and authority in the relationship. Every part of our marriage and relationship has improved a lot. She LOVES it now. She has said recently “this is forever, there is no going back”. The only down side for me is it hurts to sit down more often than it used to, but the benefits to our relationship and marriage far out weigh the spankings I receive. Also once my wife saw the benefits, her fear of hurting me went away real quick. Unfortunately the severity of the punishments increased a lot as well but it keeps me on my best behavior.


Thanks for the words of encouragement ddanon. I’m mentally up for the task. I know what I’m facing, one sore backside… I also Know I can be better, just need help getting started and finishing.


Wow this is exactly what I want in life, I wish I would have seen this 2 years ago because my then GF was pretty open minded and she accepted the fact that I wanted her to spank me., however she would only administer the fun to medium type and really my thought was, I wish I could get more but that she was already doing something for me that maybe was strange to her so I never asked for more,. To me a fun spanking is not really a spanking at all. I am a man that wants real accountability, real punishment a spanking event that is anything but fun, one that causes my behavior to really change and eventually come to dread bending over for her belt and to finally drop off and be use only occasionally when she feels it’s needed. Man to find a woman that would live like this how could I not live my life giving every effort at making her happy


When I was a kid spankings hurt like hell, the ping pong paddle or the dreaded jokari paddle which was the worst always made me cry and scream. Now as an adult it takes a whole lot of real hard spanking to hurt, and even that’s not real bad. I could tutor women on the art of spanking; what stings, or thuds, how to know when to back off, or pour it on harder, things that might take a long time to learn but can be taught in just an hour or less.

Matt warx

I’ve been looking for years to met a woman who will put me over her knee and give me the discipline that I need, to be who I know I can be, but slack off since no one is there to spank my bare bottom to tears. then put me in a corner and not allowed to rub it, will motivate me knowing I will do as I’m told n follow her rules. I’m 32 live in Lancaster ca. mtward81@gmail.com


i can not find a woman who will spank me. have tryed for years…not many around i guess!


Great article. Maybe the best I’ve read in this subject. I go over my wife’s knee once a week for a spanking. First I have to kneel before her naked with my hands behind my back (she’s fully clothed) and we have a chat about my behavior that week and if I’ve done good things I get a compliment or a caress or a pat on the head. Then we talk about the bad. Her tone ranges from matter of fact to heavy scolding. I’ve even gotten my face slapped a couple of times. Then it’s up and over her knee. I usually get a heavy dose of both her hand and her hairbrush and sometimes she brings me to tears. When she’s done I get corner time. Usually 5-10 minutes to make the point. Longer if she thinks I need it. Once spent over an hour in the corner.

Then it’s back to normal everyday life.

it has really helped our marriage. My wife doesn’t sulk when she’s upset and I don’t have to guess at her mood. It has also brought us closer. Her spankings are as much a sign of her love as if she makes me a special dinner. My submission shows her I take our marriage very seriously and that I’m willing to show her the proper respect and take the consequences if I don’t fulfill her everyday needs and expectations.

Also helped our sex life. We have more intimacy and she’s more willing to say what she wants because she’s become more open to being assertive in all parts of her life.

We rarely combine the two though occasionally after corner time is over I have to please her orally. Never any sexual gratification for me because I’m on punishment.


The frustrations my fiancée has with my behavior at times results in a rage, followed by a hurtful damaging passive aggressive silent treatment that must injure her equally. If she would settle her anger then punish me using Domestic Discipline and reduce me to tears with a reminder that resonated every time I sat for several days, I &think it would bring her immediate relief and would restore the relationship to neutral ground. If only she would give this a try. It would end our mutual suffering and increase my love an adoration for her.


My wife puts me naked over her knee on our living room couch, whenever she thinks I’m getting a little too big for my britches, or is just in that mood.


This is intriguing to me. I’m a very Independent person that does what I think should be done. In my life I’ve been the boss, worked as an equal and in some cases been the follower, I can work with any of them..

The idea of giving up my discipline power to a partner sounds like a great thing in several ways.
It gives her the ability to help me conform to what works best for her.
IT would give her some very real power in the relationship that should empower her.
They give me a break from making all the decisions all the time.
They should relieve tensions in both of us she gets to vent her frustrations on my butt and knowing that should eliminate my frustrations as well.

Logically It’s a win win except for my butt. The question will always be how to introduce it into a relationship.


I appreciate if the label doesn’t resonate with you, but to say female dominance and BDSM are primarily sexual and automatically involve making a man ‘wimpy’ perpetuates so many unhelpful misconceptions.

Female dominance is not what you see in femdom porn. It does not automatically involve emasculating a man. It just refers to any kind of dominance and submission (D/s) with a female dominant.

BDSM is not predominantly sexual – plenty of people have 24/7 dynamics, including plenty of lifestyle dommes like myself, or just dynamics which extend beyond the bedroom. And plenty of male submissives are ‘alpha males’ in everyday life. They also happen to enjoy being ‘led’, need discipline and guidance, and are ‘eager to please’ when they get those needs met.

Many lifestyle dommes have relationships which look a lot like yours – they set rules, expectations, consequences, and are ‘in charge’. That’s what power exchange essentially means – one party leads, the other one follows, in an equitable and mutually consensual relationship.

Again, it is entirely fair enough if you don’t identify with those labels, but I think deliberately segmenting what you are doing from D/s is not helpful for people looking for relevant resources on this subject. Hope you don’t mind me adding my two cents with that in mind.

Kind regards,

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