I often am inspired to write on topics based on requests from our readers or the comments left on some of our blog posts. One reader recently suggested writing a piece about how a man can ask his wife or gf to try a spanking relationship. So, after giving it some thought, figured I would just write to the ladies themselves. Ladies, if your husband or boyfriend has asked you to read this, I encourage you to do so with an open mind as I explain the many benefits of this type of relationship.
First off, I TOTALLY understand that the idea of spanking your husband or boyfriend might be a difficult concept to embrace. I too had never had any thought or intention of spanking my husband “for real” or having this sort of element in our relationship. Yet, here I am and we’ve never been happier! That’s not to say we weren’t happy before but we’ve transcended to new levels of happiness as is explained below.
Secondly, I’d like to point out that this isn’t the same thing as Femdom. Not that you couldn’t take it there if that’s what works for you as a couple (no judgement from me). But Femdom generally refers to the male being dominated by the a female (or dominatrix) in areas of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism) and usually are part of a sexual scene or fantasy. But that is not what we do. It also doesn’t mean that your husband or boyfriend is or should become emasculated or wimpy. My husband, for example, is an impressive and ominous looking gent. The type of guy that when we walk hand in hand at the mall, other guys think twice before giving me any sort of flirtatious look. He is a “man’s man” in pretty much every way. Rides dirt bikes, played sports, trained in jiu jitsu, used to box, still lifts weights, works on cars, etc. And I love that. I liken this to having an ominous, yet well trained pitbull walking along side of me. It’s kinda’ like that.
And most importantly, this isn’t about humiliating or being mean to your husband. In fact, there needs to be a good foundation or basis of a relationship with which to begin. If you’re in an abusive or toxic relationship this won’t (and shouldn’t) save that relationship. I am also not stating or implying in any way that adding spanking to your relationship can take the place of individual or couple’s counseling, if it is needed. But, if you have a foundation of love and respect (even if it has been tarnished in recent months or years), I encourage you to read through this as I truly believe in its ability to transform your marriage/relationship into achieving higher levels of trust, respect, intimacy, and love.
Benefits of a Spanking Relationship:
Little to No Tension – As I’ve probably stated within a variety of posts or pages on this site, this is a huge deal. We have very little tension between us because, after we agreed to this type of relationship (consensual) and set some ground rules (communication); there are very few things he does that really get me upset. Because over the years, when he’s done things to upset me (things he and I both agreed that should be kept in check), I just took him to the woodshed and gave him a good, hard and very real spanking for it. Not in a frenzy or out of control but very structured and very real. I can tell you from experience, that it only takes a time or two of getting a REAL spanking and they learn very quickly to not repeat the offense. As an example…I know women that have griped for YEARS about their man leaving the toilet seat up OR leaving his clothes on the floor instead of putting them into the hamper. Over time these seemingly small acts have grown into a huge contention point for them. I assure you that in our house, any and all bad habits like this have been addressed and he no longer does them. Ergo…no tension.
HIS Well Being – My husband has a type A personality and drives himself pretty hard in work and play. As is the case, sometimes I can tell that he is stressed and perhaps feeling the weight of the world (by his own standards) weighing heavily on him. Usually as I start to notice this, he also starts acting out in small ways with little bits of attitude, if not outright defiance. And I know that regardless of the reason, he needs that release of stress that re-calibrates his brain and his perspective. He’s mentioned to me many times that he feels “more balanced” or “calm” after a domestic discipline session. And not just immediately after the spanking, but for weeks afterwards. His attitude, stress level, and overall demeanor after a spanking are much improved. As his partner, I love being able to provide this for him. If your husband or boyfriend is asking you for this and you don’t provide it, you need to realize that he may seek out that element somewhere else. For some women, that might be OK but I prefer to be the one to do it for a variety of reasons. Besides, if he needs it, is asking for it, it is helpful to him, and you love him…wouldn’t you want to at least explore it? And as a nice aside, our relationship is better for it.
My Empowerment – Many women feel uncomfortable putting their foot down in a relationship. Society often dictates that women be compassionate and compliant. That we be communicative and agreeable with our partners. In very few areas of our lives can we rule with absolute power. After the initial “set up” of the parameters of the new arrangement, a woman can be empowered in ways she had never thought possible! There is no threat of being considered a bitch, a ball-buster, a nag, bitter, or even undesirable. Her strength and control is wanted and needed. It can actually be a healthy outlet for her personally.
Eager to Please – Not gonna lie…I do love his eagerness to please after I’ve taken him down a notch or two. Without being “wimpy” about it, he becomes a model citizen that is very eager to please. I usually see this in his very polite responses, attitude, and the fact that he’ll generally knock an item or two off of his usually very short honey-do list. Perhaps in his Type A mind, he can allow himself to be more submissive during this time, considering what he just went through. He likes to excel at anything he does so in this case he is excelling at being well-behaved.
Pampered – He’s always been a romantic type of man even going back to the days when we first started dating. But there is something else that happens when you’re in a spanking relationship. His adoration of you increases substantially. Not that he didn’t love you before. But, with this type of relationship, there has to be good communication throughout and a great deal of trust. This is a new level of intimacy that is hard to explain but certainly felt. And with this, comes his increased desire to pamper and please me.
Well-Behaved – Bottom line…post spanking, he is extremely well-behaved. Now for the record, I’d like to add that he was “brought up right” and is naturally a polite and well mannered man. But like I stated above, he can get assertive/aggressive from time to time and just needs to be “re-balanced” now and then. And after said re-balancing, his “well-behaved-ness” is almost tangible.
Help Him Achieve Goals – This is something that was HIS request and I find very admirable. I’m sure you would agree that we all have things we want or set out to do. Or goals we want to achieve, but for a variety of reasons, we don’t get them done. It could be anything really. For example: going to the gym “x” number of times per week, lose “x” number of pounds or whatever…he’ll create a goal for himself and instead of just having that goal and keeping track of it himself. He’ll tell me what the goal is and ask for repercussions if he doesn’t achieve it by whatever timeline he thinks he should. This added amount of accountability has really improved his success rate on achieving his goals. Why? Because there is a real consequence that happens if he doesn’t. Without this consequence, he (like most of us), would just push the date back another week or month to achieve that goal because there are no real repercussions.
Short Honey Do List – If you guys share a home, you know that there never seems to be a shortage of things to do around the house. From mowing the lawn, changing the filters to the AC, getting the car lube and oiled, bathing the dogs, replacing burnt out light bulbs, etc. It is a never ending list and continues to get things added to it. I’ve spoken to many of my girlfriends who have complained to varying degrees, that their husband’s “honey do” list just keeps growing and how he doesn’t seem to place a high priority on most if not all things on the list. I’m glad to report that due to reasons mentioned above, my husband’s “honey do” list is kept pretty short. And that is completely without me reminding, nagging, griping, bitching, etc. Now isn’t THAT a pleasing thought?
“What about the size and strength difference? How could I possibly spank him, even IF I wanted to?” Well…if you were asked to read this article, then he’s already ASKING you to. Meaning there is some level of commitment on HIS end to submit himself to a real domestic discipline session. But here’s where the rubber meets the road. Some men asking you to do this may be in total fantasy mode. Only THINKING they want a real spanking.
So men…if you’re asking your wife to read this and you think you want to be accountable by way of real corporal punishment…are you prepared to take a real punishment spanking from her? That is…one swat right after another with an implement like a doubled over belt, heavy wooden bath brush or cane? These implements HURT. But…that is what makes them an effective deterrent and behavior modifier. Make sure you know what you’re asking for. If you’re looking for “fun spankings“, that is a totally different conversation. But if you feel you can and want to submit to a real domestic discipline spanking and more importantly, can take a real punishment spanking, then communicate that with your wife and you two should test out a real spanking. Submitting to a real punishment is not an easy thing to do. Just ask my husband.
Back to the ladies…Most men want/need a powerful female partner in their relationship to hold them accountable. In fact, you’d be surprised at how many men would welcome the idea of being held accountable by way of a spanking. Perhaps you’re on your way.
Still not sure? Perhaps you’re thinking, “Should I even have to spank him? He’s an adult for goodness sake.”
Yes, he IS adult but as you’ve probably heard and experienced…men are just grown up little boys.
The main differences now, are that their responsibilities have increased, their toys have gotten more expensive and perhaps most importantly, the repercussions and punishments for their actions have lessened significantly if not disappeared altogether. This is why most men can be so ornery, bratty, arrogant and downright difficult at times. The plain fact of the matter is that men don’t always act like an adult. Convince me otherwise. At one point or another, men will throw a fit, tantrum, act entitled, selfish, arrogant or rude.
Many of these ornery or difficult episodes might beget a conversation (or argument), with the man refusing to take responsibility or admitting he was wrong. And what are the current repercussions for him in this scenario? Passive aggressive statements, nagging, ignoring him, withholding sex or affection? Certainly not healthy for ANY relationship. And what’s really crazy is that in many cases, the man has gotten so good at tuning you out, that he doesn’t really understand why you’re doing those negative things to him and will start to resent YOU for YOUR actions. So not only does it not get resolved, it continues to cause frustration and the resentment grows between the both of you.
At some point in time, the woman will do one of three things. 1) Try AGAIN to talk to him about it and her desire to curb the offending behavior. 2) Continue to tolerate it which will continue to breed resentment. OR 3) She’ll leave.
Of course there the other side of that coin too: 1) He will get tired of your “talks”, nagging and passive aggressive punishments. 2) He’ll continue to tolerate it which will continue to build his frustration and resentment OR 3) HE’LL leave.
In our situation, IF my husband breaks a rule or does something else deemed a transgression, the best course of action is to give that little boy in a man’s body, a good old fashion butt blistering. Aside from the pain from the spanking being an effective deterrent, this also works well because men respond to STRENGTH. It is hardwired in them. Men, unlike women, don’t usually learn or respond well to a lesson unless they FEEL the repercussions. Remember, it was a man that coined the phrase, “No pain, no gain.” Which translate to, “I have to feel some pain, in order to improve my performance or situation.”
OK, I’m in…What’s next?
It all starts with good communication. Sit down together and ask him to come up with rules or things he thinks might be a good reason to get punished for. Paying a bill late. Forgetting to take out the trash. Forgetting to call when he’s going to be late. Ask him to be honest. Ask him if there are any behavior modifications that he’d like some accountability for. Like losing 5 lbs or drinking less or gambling less. Whatever makes sense in your relationship.
Then, together come up with rules around what a spanking, a REAL spanking looks like to you. Describe that a real spanking means he can’t opt out of it. He has to be man enough to take what is being dished out. That’s what a real spanking is. The thought will assuredly scare him and perhaps even excite him at the same time. Remind him that if he is unable to take a real spanking, then it is just a fantasy to him and not a real punishment.
Tell him that in order for it to be an effective behavior modification tool, it needs to be fairly harsh. Ask him if that is what he is signing up for. Not beginning with a less intense implement like your hand or light sandal. Something a bit more severe, like a belt or paddle.
You may consider using a safeword but let’s be honest, in a real spanking, there shouldn’t be any safewords. This is where trust & responsibility intersect:
Having said that, perhaps you start with a defined number. Let’s say 10 or 20 swats with a paddle for a particular offense. That spanking should be given on the bare butt, no warm up, no rubbing his butt in between swats or long lengths of time in between swats. Question for the man, “Can you stay in position for this kind of spanking? Is this level of accountability what you’re ready to accept?”
The good news ladies…IF your husband is ready, agrees to this and CAN take the punishment, you’ll see that these real punishment sessions WILL bring forth the very changes in attitude and behavior that you’ve been trying to achieve using other, less effective, more harmful ways, that are also damaging to the relationship.
A good hard spanking, something that he opted into (consensual) but still very real; IS going to make an impression on him. Not just his backside but his psyche. Not only will he feel regret for the transgression that he was getting spanked for, he’ll appreciate you and recognize your newfound power. And he’ll become eager to correct his behavior and please you.
It is important to remember that at the end of the spanking, I firmly believe that you should hold him or give him some affection. I know after I’ve given my husband a severe whuppin’, I WANT to hold him afterwards. I want to let him know that I still love him and that the spanking is over.
The reason or transgression for the spanking happened and is in the past. The real spanking addressed that transgression and once the spanking is over, the punishment is over. There are no grudges held, no silent treatment given, no passive aggressive bullshit. He earned a punishment and you gave it to him. It is now time to express your love for him. He. Will. ADORE you for this.
After I give my husband a hard spanking, I always tell him to come to me. He’ll usually walk over to me with his head down and then kneel in front of me and hold me around my waist and apologizes for his actions very sincerely, as I lovingly caress his hair. It is a very intimate moment between us.
Not to mention, that when you are giving him a honest to goodness butt whuppin’, if you did have any tensions and frustrations with him, they too are getting released during the act of the spanking. But again, it is imperative that you not be out of control. A real spanking is one that is hard, but always in control.
And in the future, instead of not feeling like you’re being heard or that you are powerless…You’ll find it’s quite the contrary. His selective listening will significantly diminish and you will be heard loud and clear. You’ll feel a power surge within you, like one you’ve probably not felt before. Just at the notion that you can take him to the woodshed and tan his backside for any misdeed. And your husband, who has accepted this approach and been pushed to his limits and beyond, will see you in a more powerful light and love and respect that power.
There is no resentment as there would be with the silent treatment or other toxic passive aggressive methods. No, he wanted and agreed to be held accountable in this way. And trust me, the pain from the domestic discipline session will start to cultivate him into a better person. BTW, the last part of that last sentence, was a quote from my husband who has been living with the accountability of real corporal punishment for years now. He has told me several times that he appreciates me taking the time and effort to correct him in this way.
Real domestic discipline allows a man to throw off the mantle of expectation and release control to his partner in these situations. And just as importantly, it allows his partner to feel empowered in a way that doesn’t take anything away from his masculinity. Because that power was given by choice (consensual).
We’ve all heard the saying, “Behind every great man…is a great woman.” Well, maybe she was behind him with a belt!
UPDATE: Please check out my follow up post to this: Can You Spank Your Husband Without Feeling Bad.
Good morning, in my case it was my wife who proposed it to me, I loved that he spanked me, in fact I thank him for having made me stop smoking, it cost a lot of beatings with the slipper and many marks on the body but thanks to that I don’t smoke anymore.
A great article, Wicked Queen. I have some male friends that are trying to get their wives, gf’s to punish them. I will pass this blog on to them for their wives to read. Thank you for writing this.
spankedcowboy
Thanks cowboy! Still going through and proofreading my post. I had a variety of thoughts all coming in at once when writing and started jotting down notes to included them all. Then went through and tried to piece it all together. Also going to add a few more pics. Appreciate the feedback.
For me, I asked my wife to discipline me but the only implement we use is the slipper because I am obsessed with feet and slippers.
Hi John and thanks for your comment. If you’re turned on by her feet and slippers, are the spankings really discipline and a deterrent?
Hi Wicked Queen,
I love your website! I’ve tried many times to get into a domestic discipline relationship with my wife. She’s sweet and has tried to do it to please me, so it hasn’t really worked. I asked her to read your website and she really liked it – especially the post with the hangers – she has a few pet peeves and completely related to it.
She’s started to give me a list of chores complete with deadlines, so this is definitely something new. So far she’s given me lines for delaying a task and has left her heavy wooden hairbrush on her bedside table. I’ll let you know how it develops.
Thank you for inspiring her!
All the best,
Ben
Hi Ben and thank you so much for the comments and kind words. I’m very happy to hear your wife is starting to implement some rules with consequences! Wives giving spanking consequences to their husbands is SO much better than the arguments and resentment that can happen between couples over what are usually trivial things. A Win-Win for all. As an aside…many years ago, my husband created a couple interactive Excel spreadsheets. One is a customizable spanking calculator and one we call the ATS which stands for Accountability Task Sheet. This spreadsheet is a list of his chores around the house and there are a number of swats assigned to each chore. When he checks off the chore as done, the spreadsheet automatically reduces the total number of swats by the number assigned to that chore. We review it at the end of the week and if all his chores are done (to my satisfaction), then no swats are given. In fact I often reward such behavior. But if not all things were taken care of, there is another part of the spreadsheet (that I loaded with some harsh implements), that get randomly selected to be the implement to give the remaining number of swats. Perhaps we can make each spreadsheet available to buy on the website for really cheap.
Hi Wicked Queen,
The ATS sounds very fun, well for you anyway! My wife is very methodical so wouldn’t be interested in randomness. I however would love to see the ATS! She’s created a structure for me that involves things like regular chores, Bedtime, a driving license that she endorses with demerits for what she feels is dangerous or illegal among other things (if I accumulate 12 demerits she will confiscate my keys for a week).
Since I last wrote, she’s spanked me once but is still scared to hurt me so it wasn’t so bad.
I would so buy the ATS if you make it available 🙂
Hi Ben,
Good to hear from you again and I’m glad to hear she has spanked you! That’s OK if it wasn’t that bad, at least it is a start and once she gets some experience with it, it’ll come more naturally to her. I just recently tasked my husband with doing a post about The Wicked Switch. The most dreaded implement in our household. He had started it but needs to finish it. In just looking at the drafts now on our blog, I see he has started a post on the ATS. I’ll have to ask him what the hold up is and give him the proper motivation to get that finished. The ATS he created is an excel spreadsheet. But is easy enough to use. Are you at all familiar with Excel? The plan is for him to finish that post, then offer it for a price where you can download it. Don’t worry though, I’ll light a fire under his backside to get these things finished.
Will have to present this to my wife. However we have little ones with very little alone time. Not sure how it would work. Any ideas?
Good! I hope she is open to it. As far as little ones, yes, we have children as well and I will either take my husband to the woodshed while the kids are in school, or drop them off at one of our parents or friends for some alone time (Can be an good kickoff to a date night!). And last but certainly not least, there are quiet implements such as the cane or my Wicked Switch. Very quiet but very powerful in teaching a lesson. I’ve spanked my husband in our bedroom, late at night after the kids are asleep. We’ve never had them wake up before during this. Good luck to you!
Every man who wants his wife to become a disciplinarian should show her this article. The key is the benefits to HER. When my husband introduced me to domestic discipline, I had no idea how much I would benefit. Wives need to understand this! Here are just a few of the benefits to me:
1. I have not cleaned a toilet since we started DD.
2. I get a foot massage or a pedicure whenever I want. (I actually sent him to a training program to learn manicures and pedicures.)
3. We no longer have big fights. I can end a fight whenever I want by spanking him.
4. His attitude is a thousand percent better. He is always asking me what he can do for me.
5. When I talk, he actually listens.
6. He is much calmer and much quieter. He lives by the F/m adage that “talking is the third purpose of the male tongue.”
7. Speaking of which: He kneels for me at least once a day. I kneel for him on his birthday.
I could list a million more!
Antonia
This is a beautiful treatise on the immeasurable power available to those ladies (and there are many) who are weighing the prospect of introducing spanking in their committed relationship. I have had dozens of conversations about love and marriage with men from all walks of life. I continue to be very impressed by the number of gentlemen who yearn for the discipline of a strict loving lady. My conclusion is that this trend is growing and appears to be the wave of the future.
I say give it a go, ladies! Believe me, a man will never be “over you” after he has spent quality time over your knee.
Love and Blessings,
Gary
Hi Gary and thank you for the kind words and we agree 100%! 🙂
When my wife and I started our DD journey she was very hesitant and did not want to become my disciplinarian. After a great deal of talking she agreed to try it for 3 months and then let me know her decision . That was 12 years ago and could not be happier. We are not in a FLR , I take care of all the finances and investments.l also try to help her with household chores.
Hi Hank and sorry I missed this comment the first time around. Glad to hear that the trial period worked out. Honestly, most women I know would LOVE all the benefits of adding this element to their relationship, if they would just give it a try. 🙂
As a man I tottaly agree with this. I had one girl friend some years ago who did not hesitate to spank me.
I have not found a woman since that has any interest and some have thought I was really weird for bringing up the subject.
Hi Darin and thanks for commenting. Yeah, it is a subject that can be tricky to bring up. We pretty much evolved into this over a period of many years, but it all started with our fun spankings play. That said, there are a variety of dating service sites that expand to allow people with interest in spanking and other areas, to post some of the things they are interested. I would imagine, that you could find some people that already share some of the same interests. Good luck to you! 🙂
OK, wanting to do this for my wife to empower her but have never been spanked, even as a child. She may also resist giving a punishment spanking to me because she won’t want to cause me pain. Hopefully if she reads your article it would convince her to give it a try. Is there such a thing as a trial period or test spanking so we both know what were getting ourselves into or do we just need to jump in and do it? My wife tends to suppress her anger because she doesn’t want to upset me even though I’m pretty easy going, but ends up hurting both of us because she withdraws and won’t communicate. My thought is that if I put her unconditionally in charge of my discipline that she would be empowered to better be able to communicate her feelings. There are times that I know that I hurt her without knowing it but she isn’t usually willing to share. I do know that I can be hard headed and set in my ways sometimes which is some of the things the spankings should help me correct. I also like your idea of using it for self improvements as I could use to lose 30 to 40 pounds and should be better on my to do list. Your thoughts!
Hello and thank you for your comments and question. I don’t think there is only ONE set of rules as it pertains to adding this element to your lifestyle. It really depends on the couple as each are unique. And each person within the couple is unique. The most IMPORTANT thing is communication. Before, during and after. Not sure how approachable your wife is, but if she is, maybe ask her to read this article and the follow up article to it. That would at least get the conversation started. If you’ve never been spanked as a child, but are looking to submit to an actual punishment…be careful what you wish for. As my husband always says, “There is nothing fun about a real spanking!” 😉
All kidding aside…starting out slow and careful is the best approach. Experiment to see what you are capable to taking punishment-wise. You could take a swat with something and think. Hmm…yeah, that’s not that bad at all. OR you could take a swat and it instantly bring tears to your eyes and make you want to run to the hills.
We didn’t just jump into this. We’ve had a long history of spanking and a lot of experience. But again, it all centers around communication. IMHO, the benefits are definitely worth it once you get going. But it takes a little time. If you get some momentum with her, please read my husband’s page about SAFETY.
Good luck to you and we hope to hear from you again! 🙂
This is the perfect article to give to any wife who has the potential but needs the hard facts about what it takes and what she should expect. It is really great to have this information available from a wife’s perspective, and one who is experienced, knows what she’s doing, has gotten the results and can explain everything so clearly. I know this is not an easy sell. Most women are not raised with this as a model for marriage. Harsh corporal punishment is not embraced by our culture, and I think to most people it feels cruel and wrong. If my wife asked, I would have a hard time truly punishing her, and I would understand what she wants without explanation. Real punishment is not wanted by me, the one being punished, or me, the one who would be administering it.
I wish my wife was a candidate, but that doesn’t mean I love her any less. Even with her own kids, she is the gentle type who is always going to try to win them over with kindness. She hates confrontation. She will never physically punish. I’ve talked with her about DD, showed her articles and videos, even got her to try an actual spanking. Her heart is never in it and, I don’t want her to have to deal with going beyond her limits.
As you know, in order for this to work, a wife must be comfortable as a very strict disciplinarian, and despite being loving, caring and safe, she must be able to give a spanking that her husband will genuinely not want repeated. My wife would have to be okay with causing me to fear her discipline. She would have to see and carry through with an ugly scene, the reality of a bad boy hollering, crying, kicking, and ultimately sitting on purple for days. If she did that, my subsequent behavior and attitude would be effectively corrected, but that’s not an acceptable trade-off for her. Not that I’m so bad. I want to please her regardless. The draw is largely that, despite my hating the punishment, she would become a powerful authority figure in my life. I would be hugely excited by that power she wants to wield, but it has to be true to her character or it is too much to ask of her.
Hi Dana and thanks for your comment, insight and excellent points. There are a couple things I’d like to address as well. Contrary to popular belief, I am actually a very kind-hearted person who also avoids confrontation. If Joey fell off a ladder or got hurt in any other way, I would be the first one there to comfort and try to help make it better. I’m sure that may sound strange to our readers who have read the discipline that I have, can and will mete out; But I think it is important to reiterate that we didn’t start at the deep end of the pool. We had played with fun spankings for many, many years. Perhaps my familiarity and that the experiences were based around “fun” and as foreplay, helped soften the transition into more serious spankings. Even at that, and based on both our desires, we evolved into me more often being the spanker and he the spankee. And true to his nature, he would test himself before uttering his safeword. But to be honest in some of those times, I would stop before because I started feeling bad about “hurting” my husband. But we’d converse about it afterwards and he’d be like, no I was ok, you could’ve kept going. It was this communication, experience and the learning of his limits that I believe helped me diffuse the concept of giving my husband a DD spanking.
I believe there are women who are naturally strict and dominant and can make that transition much easier, but I’m living proof that a soft spoken, kind, non-confrontational woman…can transform into “The Wicked Queen”, when discipline is needed. Every couple is unique as is each person in the couple. And only communication, trust, and love can give this type of thing any chance for flight. And it is possible that it may be something that a woman (or man), may never be able to get comfortable with. But, I will contend that if a woman can get to that point, IMHO, the benefits to the relationship are well worth the effort. 🙂
This is exactly what makes DD and a very strict wife so appealing and, I imagine, so fulfilling for a husband who is accountable to her. The fact that you are kind-hearted, nurturing and fair is why discipline can feel positive and work effectively. My wife could make a great disciplinarian because I would have to respect and value her judgment, not just because she was capable of administering real spanking punishment, but because of who she is. When I see my punished behind in the mirror the next day, or feel discomfort when sitting down, the message she imprinted can only be that this is what I rightfully earned, and that it was given with the moral authority she is so worthy of holding. I’m reminded of my own strict parent when punishment was clearly earned, and there was no second-guessing the motivation behind it. When my wife acts in that strict-but-caring role, it enhances feelings like that, but also positive feelings that go well beyond.
Do you think it can go both ways or does one person have to be in charge? Could you both be held accountable
Sure. I think it just depends on the couple and their desires. I’ve read that there are couples that have an established set of rules that if broken by either, the other metes out the punishment to the offender. That is an entirely different dynamic than what we’ve chosen to do, but it doesn’t make it wrong. 🙂
The couples I communicate with generally do not switch, either because their spanking relationship started out that way and naturally remained so or because they tried switching and discovered that one partner eventually needed to be either “er” or “ee”. My wife is dominant by nature and established how such things would be handled if we were to stay together. Fine by me! Her way of dealing with me is strict, fair and final when she has spoken her authoritative word. In an argument, she lets me know when I am on thin ice with her. Beyond that point, I have only myself to blame. But if a couple can maintain balance by switching, more power to them! I just know it is out of the question in my own marriage.
Quick question, how do you handle or explain bruises on the buttocks’ when you go to the doctor or emergency room? I wouldn’t want my spouse accused of abuse. If something happened where I couldn’t tell them it was consensual she’d have no proof. I really want to give this a try but don’t want to start anything that could get my wife in trouble with the law especially if something happened to me. Is there a document that could be prepared ahead of time that would show that it was consensual?
Good question, even though we’ve been doing this for many years and Joey has had bruises for weeks after a good spanking, we’ve never encountered this situation. Doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen of course, so it might make sense to create a document that is signed by both; but I wonder if you would need a notary to notarize that as well for it to be viable? That’s kind of a funny thought. 😉 Another thought, would be to video yourselves, stating what you do and partake in, and that it is consensual. So your wife would have something to show, in the off chance she had to. Again, I think the chances of this happening are pretty slim, BUT…I do always believe in being prepared, so good on you! 🙂
Thank You, I think that I like the video idea. It might be kind of awkward getting a document like that notarized. I do like being prepared though and I would feel terrible if something like that did happen and my wife was arrested for it. As you say it’s probably a slim chance of anything happening but just to be prepared. If I have a doctors appointment coming up we can just pause things for a couple of weeks to make sure that everything is cleared up.
This is an interesting angle I hadn’t considered. Unless you brought charges against your wife, why would she be a suspect in the case? You could have gotten the bruises many ways, including from a professional disciplinarian.
So enjoyed this article and so wish I had a female partner and a relationship like yours. You make a lot of sense. Too bad this is not much more common.
Hi John, glad you enjoyed this. Keeping our fingers crossed that you find that special someone. We have a lot more visitors to our site and people who are active or wanting to include this aspect into their lives. So keep the faith! 🙂
I very much want to leave this blog post open on my wife’s iPad by accident
There you go! That’s one approach. The other is to just ask her to read it. But be careful of what you wish for. 😉