What It’s Like To Get Real Spankings

An Interview with Joey

If you’ve read any of our blog, you probably know that we evolved into this lifestyle, somewhat organically. If you aren’t familiar with us, I’d recommend reading the content on our homepage and also check out our “About Us” page, which gives a better background on us and what we do.

So…I’ve been asked a variety of questions around the topic of getting domestic discipline spankings and so thought I’d respond to them all here.

Question: Since It’s “Consensual”, Do The Spankings Really Hurt?

Answer: HELL YES they hurt! I can understand how the term “consensual” might lead one to believe that I consent only up to the point where it really starts becoming painful, then I can opt out citing I no longer consent to the spanking/pain. But what I’ve consented to (and continue to consent to), are real consequences by way of real domestic discipline spankings from my wife. The fact that I take what is given, is consenting on my part because I’m never tied or restrained in any way. So I COULD stand up and stop it at any time and say, “I don’t want to take this anymore”. But the moment I do that, then it isn’t a real spanking, is it?

post dd spankingI must also understand that by doing so, I would be relinquishing the real domestic discipline element/lifestyle that we have developed and that has worked so well for us. There are some that take punishment spankings up to a point, then safeword out. I’m not opposed to that if that is what works for you. What ~I~ set out to do was to be truly accountable and take what SHE assigns and gives. Keep in mind, while the spankings are very real, very harsh, and very painful, there has never been a time where it has been abusive or sadistic. This woman loves me. We are soulmates and were soulmates before we ever started down this road. We are lovers and best friends, and she knows me better than anyone else in the world. Lastly, because we’ve been doing this for a while, she knows my limits. She knows how far to take things and I trust her implicitly.

Question: When You Know She’s Going To Spank You, Do You Get Nervous Or Aroused?

long hallwayAnswer: Nervous for sure. Sometimes I may have a little bravado about the impending spanking, but the closer we get to the actual event, the more nervous I get. This is because I know that I’m in for a REAL DD spanking and what that feels like. When we were doing fun or sexual spankings, or spankings where I knew I could safeword out, I found those to be arousing. But that was because I was in control of stopping the pain as soon as it got to be too much for me. Now, I don’t give myself that option and just take what is given. So bending over the end of the bed (usual position for our domestic discipline spankings), bare butt, as she stands to the side with a harsh implement is a very daunting thing. And, unlike “fun” spankings, there are no light swats or warm up swats to start. From the moment the very first swat or lash lands, the pain is overwhelmingly present and continues to grow throughout the duration of the spanking.

wicked switch lashesQuestion: Have These Real Spankings Ever Made You Cry?

Answer: Yes. Part of that I believe is me letting go a little bit but other times I wonder. The implement “The Wicked Switch“, is the most painful thing I’ve ever felt in my entire life. It lands with a searing pain that exceeds even a water soaked cane. I don’t think I could NOT cry even if I wanted to when that implement is being used. Thankfully, she uses it sparingly. Oftentimes when getting the belt or paddle or punishment strap, painful grunts escape my lips during those spankings and tears will well up in my eyes. And sometimes, if it is particularly a harsh session, I will break down and cry.

Question: What Are You Thinking During A Harsh Spanking?

fm belt spanking on bedAnswer: That’s a really great question. Once that first lash or swats lands and the searing pain enters my body, I don’t know if there is a lot of thought going on, other than trying to maintain position as per the “Spanking Rules“. The pain is coming too quickly and as it  continues to accumulate I’m not thinking about much else. When she’s using the belt, a punishment strap or cane, she’ll give one half of the spanking from one side, and the other half of the spanking from the other side. As a result, the end of the belt, strap or cane, will do a number on both sides of my butt. When she stops from the first side, I often have a thought of relief as I know I’m about halfway through. After she finishes from the second side, she’ll usually assign a final count. I’m relieved again as I know I just need to get through the final 10 or 20 swats, then the punishment will be over. Many times I’ve planned on counting the swats of the entire spanking (in my head), just to see how many I’m getting. But, again…once that first swats lands…the brain goes into…self preservation, ‘Oww this hurts, maintain position, oww this hurts’ mode. It’s quite the mental rollercoaster.

Question: How Long Will You Behave After A Spanking?

Answer: I’m usually well behaved for several weeks to a month after a good domestic discipline session. There are three kinds of spankings she normally gives: Impromptu swats for spur of the moment infractions (usually just a handful of swats),  Attitude adjustments (these are more dedicated spankings where I’ve earned swats for doing or not doing something but haven’t quite earned a trip to the woodshed),  and then of course “Woodshed Whuppin’s” (these are the worst of the worst and happen about every 1 and a half to 2 months).

Question: Do You Ever Resent Her For Giving You A Harsh Spanking?

Answer: Never. Firstly, I know I can be a handful. I also know I have aggressive personality traits. So when she has deemed it necessary to give me a spanking, I know that I’ve earned it, deserve it, and quite honestly need it.

spanking implementsQuestion: Do You Get To Choose What You Get Spanked With?

Answer: Not usually. Every once in a great while, she’ll tell me to go get her a belt without being specific (and I assure you I don’t pick the Italian leather one). That said, she still succeeds in giving me a severe butt whuppin’ with whatever belt I bring her. One time I actually kept being a brat because I noticed the belt she was wearing was a not so “mean” belt, (or so I thought). She took it off, doubled it over and gave me a belting for the books! She compensated for the belt’s spanking shortcomings by swinging it so that she caught me with its edge with almost every swat. I learned right then and there, that just about ANY belt in her hands can give an effective and painful spanking.

Question: What Implement Would You Prefer To Be Spanked With?

Answer: She has a wide black leather belt, that would be my implement of choice. Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts pretty bad and can blister and bruise my backside, but…it is not as severe as a couple of her other leather belts. Especially the Italian leather one. All she has to do is just WEAR that belt and I my initial reaction is to behave.

Question: What Implement Do You NEVER Want To Be Spanked With?

Answer: Easy to answer. The Wicked Switch. I absolutely despise and loathe that thing. The pain from the lash of that is the worst pain I’ve experienced in my entire life. When she does get it out to spank me with it. I almost instantly feel like crying. For the most part, I will acquiesce to whatever implement she is going to spank me with and remorsefully bend over for the whuppin’. But with this implement, I will often BEG her to spank me with something else. She normally doesn’t change her mind once she’s chosen it. And on a couple of occasions, begging for something different cost me extra lashes with it AFTER the initial spanking was over.

Question: Do You Ever Regret Getting Into This Lifestyle?

Answer: Not at all. Again, this is consensual. I could tell her I don’t want to do it anymore but I have come to understand and appreciate its value…to me, to her, and to our relationship. There is so much trust and communication that is necessary when doing this kind of thing, that it has actually taken our love, trust, and intimacy to new levels. My wife wrote a great post about the benefits of having a spanking relationship with your husband, that highlights some great points regarding its ability to help eliminate tension between a couple.

Well, that’s it for now. If you have any additional questions for me (or my Queen) feel free to ask them here and we’ll do our best to answer them quickly. Until then, take care!

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Where and how can I find a woman like your wife? I’ve been searching forever.

Dan Show

Great take on it many of us can relate has anyone thought about starting a chat group dedicated to Female led DD ? Seems like there are some like minded folks here?


My wife spanks me, but she has never given me a true punishment spanking. I would love to go to full-on Domestic Discipline, but I am afraid of the pain. Don’t get me wrong because I fantasize about it every day. I have to get to the point where I am not a coward………….lol. My wife would spank me like that with absolutely no remorse. I just have to get through the fear. My wife has spanked me very hard in our time together, so I know spanking hurts.


No-one can give a definitive answer to your quandary as it depends on the dynamics of your relationship. Have a look at my previous posts to see how we approached a similar dilemma. For me it comes from your brain, you need to have complete trust and love to allow the endorphins to be released. You said your wife is willing so maybe you could think of it being a ‘gift’ for her rather than a ‘need’ on your part. The line to ‘really hurt but not harm’ once crossed , in my opinion, is one well worth working towards as ,personally, the inner peace and sense of relief I feel after receiving a punishment I know I have deserved but not enjoyed outweighs the understandable fear you are experiencing.


Hi Joey and thanks for posting answers to so many questions. As I’ve said to WQ, it’s so encouraging to find another couple with such a loving approach to this DD life style. Over the years I have checked in with Tim to make sure he is still enthusiastic for our life style and he, like you, says he has never regretted it. When he initially asked for me to be more extreme with his real punishments, I was hesitant but we approach our decisions with humor. Shortly after we had introduced harsher spankings, we were visiting the car wash and reviewing the washing options, each offering more services for an additional price. I laughed at the choices and explained to Tim that this is what I want to do. “Regular” would be a spanking that was immediate and fairly light; “Full Serve” would be an immediate spanking for a minor infraction but I would apply the strokes harder; “Super” would be a punishment delayed and I would beat him hard: and then “Ultimate” would be a no mercy whipping with any implement of my choice and he would have no input into how long, which implement, number of strokes or intensity. To this day these code words are still used as part of our life especially since they can be used even when other people are present. Over the holidays we did the same as you. We kicked back relaxed and enjoyed family from our close bubble. Tim, as part of our agreed chores, prepared the breakfasts each morning but one day he left one of the stove top burners on. I noticed but realized that he must have been distracted by our visitors. I gently brought his attention to the dangerous situation and he turned the burner off. I gave him my “be more careful” look and we carried on with the day. Two days later the burner was left on again. Now I had to get him to pay better attention. I called him over, turned it off and whispered “Full Serve honey”. Although I could not spank him immediately, later that day when our visitors were out walking, I ordered him to take his pants down, bent him over the kitchen counter and used a strap to apply 20 firm slaps to his bare backside. I let him up, hugged him and said “don’t forget again sweetie – there’s a good boy”. Three days later I was making a cake and had taken it out to cool. I placed in on the burners and left it. Ten minutes later there was a terrible stench of burning and I discovered the burner under the cake was on. I picked up the cake tin and burnt my hand. I called Tim and looked at him sternly “Well you have not learned, young man so guess what- you have earned yourself an “Ultimate”. Despite the pain in my hand, I got a small thrill watching him suddenly look apprehensive and vulnerable. When we were on our own, I ordered him upstairs to strip and wait for me. I have to admit I love the sense of power when I walk into the room and he is waiting for me, naked and cute. I lectured him on his carelessness and said that since he had caused me to hurt my hand, I was going to hurt his. I ordered him to hold his hands out and using a thin leather strap I whacked his right hand four times. “Switch hands” I instructed and repeated the punishment to his left hand. I know he hates this punishment and says it is excruciating but I was determined to teach him a lesson. “Ok now bend over the bed and present your bottom” I ordered. “Since you seem to be determined to burn the house down – I’m now going to burn your backside to ensure that you think more carefully in future”. With that I proceeded to whip his backside hard with a wonderful Scottish tawse about three feet long and split ends. He was squirming from the onset and by the 20th stroke he was begging me to stop. His bottom was already bright red but this was, as I reminded him, an “Ultimate” so I continued whipping the tawse across his cheeks and tops of legs for another 40 lashes. His cheeks were quite a mess “Maybe if you ever do that again I’ll make you sit on the burner” I laughingly suggested. I helped him up and hugged him “Please honey – no more carelessness” I said and stroked his hair. After applying lotion to his seriously marked up back side we went back downstairs to enjoy a Martini while waiting for our guests to return.        

John Hopkins

A wonderful relationship you have with your man.

I like the idea of strapping him while your guests were out walking.

My lady has taken me out in our van when we did not have privacy so she could wear my bare behind out in a parking lot or along the roadside.

The Wicked Queen

It’s a good thing to remember John. Us ladies will ALWAYS find a time and a place to take care of our misbehaving men. 😉

John Hopkins

She loved to park the van where she knew people might pass by outside and be able to hear the sounds of my punishment including my crying.


What is your best spanking sandal

The Wicked Queen

Hi Frank. On this page: https://domesticdiscipline.info/sandals/ – the main picture at the top. There are a pair of sandals that are blue and black. On the shelf on the right. They were just a cheap pair of sandals I picked up at a Payless shoe store while we were on vacation, because I forgot to pack a pair that matched a sundress I had. They turned out to be a great spanking sandals and even better when I spank him with the heel part. They broke, but I kept one to use as a spanking sandal. Close second, is a pair of all leather Ralph Lauren sandals. They are a T-strap sandal and were bench made. They have a nice leather thickness to them and are great to giving a good spanking as well. I don’t think we’ve posted a picture of those on the site yet.


Are the photos Joey’s rear end? I can only imagine what it looks like after a trip to the woodshed.

The Wicked Queen

Yep! We have some other pictures post woodshed whuppin’, that we can post. It is interesting in how the backside looks during a spanking, right after, and then 1, 2, 3 days after.

John Hopkins

I met my dominant lady at a yard sale that was hosted by her.

She had belts and other items on a table and she became aware that I was paying a great deal of attention to the belts.

I was lifting them and dangling them from my hand and remembering how wonderful it was to have somebody discipline me and check my behavior.

My lady made conversation with me about how she had disciplined her deceased husband with those belts and other domestic discipline objects.

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