What is a ~REAL~ Spanking?

So what are “Real Spankings”? Well, for us (and most importantly), it is consensual. Both my wife and I have already agreed to real spankings as a consequence of my transgressions and/or poor attitude. I also think it’s important to point out that the verbiage “consensual spanking” generally has the connotation of being a fun spanking. And while it certainly can be, it can also mean domestic discipline spankings. These are spankings that have been earned from a list my wife and I came up with and on the occasion where I get out of line.

dd fm paddle spanking

A real spanking is just that. Very REAL. Meaning there is no warm-up spanking, the implement used is a pretty harsh one, and the object is to teach me a lesson by way of corporal punishment. Swats are giving in control, but HARD and one right after another. If she is using a belt, punishment strap, cane, or switch, the only modest break between swats is when she walks to the other side of me to spank from that new position. This provides coverage for ALL of the backside. Not just one side getting the brunt of it. My wife is an equal opportunity butt blisterer!  If she is using the paddle (as shown above), there is no need for her to switch sides, as the paddle can cover all of the butt by just changing angles a bit.

holding a bathbrushIt takes quite a bit of mental effort to submit yourself to a real spanking, especially when you truly understand how bad it is going to hurt. I would be willing to bet that most people won’t subject themselves to that. Which is fine. Perhaps my article on fun spanking will be a better and more appropriate read. But if you really feel like you want to explore what real spanking is and has to offer, then please continue to read.

So, let’s break down the components of a real spanking:

  • Communication – Yes, just like a fun spanking, a real spanking needs good, solid communication beforehand. As you can imagine, this is even more important in this scenario. Again, both the spanker and the spankee should be on the same page as to whose role it is and what exactly a real spanking is. You should communicate whether or not there is going to be a safeword like there would be in a fun spanking. In my humble opinion, there shouldn’t be the use of a safeword in a REAL spanking. But you need to trust your partner, and your partner needs to not abuse that trust. Perhaps a good starting point would be to have a safeword but as the spankee and one agreeing to a real spanking, you shouldn’t use it unless there is an actual emergency. This is going to be hard to do because self-preservation will kick in, and you’ll say just about anything to stop the spanking from coming. But then you have to ask yourself: Are you really ready to accept a real spanking, or is it just a fantasy for you? No judgment from me. I like fantasy too and am a firm believer in “to each their own.” But again, fantasy is not on the same page as a real spanking. And as a person who has been on the receiving end of many REAL spankings, I can tell you that there is nothing “fun” about them. But they do work.
  • Implements – As this is a punishment spanking, the spanker should use an implement that is going to be quite painful. That’s what a real spanking is. A painful lesson that will punish, adjust poor attitudes, improve bad behavior, and prevent future occurrences.

domestic discipline spanking implements

  • Infractions – Some in a true FLR (Female-Led Relationship) leave the citation of infractions solely up to the wife or girlfriend. And while my wife can and sometimes will spank me for infractions she has deemed a “spankable offense,” for the most part, I know what the rules are and what the likely consequences will be should I break them.
  • Rules – Unlike fun spankings, where the goal is fun and foreplay, real spankings should be “all business.” They should follow a very regimented protocol to maximize their effect and, hence, effectiveness. The next post we put up will be our domestic discipline spanking rules, as written by my lovely and strict wife, that we follow for almost every spanking. That list of rules will give you a good starting point to create your own, or you may like it as it is.
  • Spanking – While the spanking rules article referenced above goes into detail on spanking, to make this post complete, I need to at least address it at a surface level. Unlike fun spankings, there are no warm-up swats or starting off with a “nice” thuddy implement to help the spankee get through and take the harsher implements easier. No hand spanking, no rubbing his butt in between swats. NO. It is a real, and very harsh spanking from the very first swat to the last. And given one swat right after another.
  • Post Spanking – After I’ve gotten a real spanking, I’ve got (at least) tears in my eyes and regret in my heart for being bad. She doesn’t believe in chastisement, scolding, or belittling me. She loves me, and I love her. I just earned a real spanking and got it. The punishment is over. She’ll usually hold me or we’ll hug, and she’ll kindly tell me that I need to be good. Which I’m very eager to be at that point. Also, there is no sex after a real spanking. This wasn’t foreplay.

woman holding a switch

Tough Enough?
Some may think less of those who “get spanked by their wives,” but I would challenge them to try and see if they are man enough to take an actual REAL spanking and be able to withstand the severe pain that comes with it. Stay in position and let her keep on wailing. I would guess that 95% of them would “tap out.” It is easy to agree to an actual corporal punishment session, but after that first lash lands (with no warm-up), your brain goes into self-preservation mode, and most will say or do whatever they can to get out of the rest of the spanking instead of doing their best to maintain position and take whatever is given. However, I have been doing it, and it has done wonders for my attitude, balance, and general disposition. I don’t like these types of spanking, but I appreciate them for what they are and do.

Improvement In Other Areas

Lastly, these real domestic discipline sessions have helped me improve my habits and other areas of my life. We’re all humans, and we all have flaws or areas that we need to work on. So when I decide to work on one of my shortcomings, I communicate that to my wife, and we come up with a real spanking consequence for it. It is AMAZING how much more you find yourself keeping to task or working on your improvement when your ass is literally on the line.

If you’re tough enough to take them and your wife or girlfriend is open to giving you a real one, spankings work.

Here’s an actual example of what a real spanking looks like:

You can buy this and other REAL spanking videos for instant download here.


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Good afternoon, last night my wife gave me a real beating, she had asked me to turn off the oven at a certain time, I started watching TV and I forgot, so the food burned and had to be thrown away. Very furious she told me to go to the room and undress everything. He took off the slipper he was wearing that were blue winter with hairs in the upper art with very flexible rubber soles, he began to whip me without mercy and without looking where he was, ass, back legs, arms head, many shoes, the pain was unbearable, This morning when I have kevantsdo and gone to the shower I have seen how the sole of the Slipper was marked all over my body. I’m sure I’ll never forget to turn off the oven.

The Wicked Queen

Hello Nacho, yes…pain can be a wonderful teacher and reminder to not forget things. Although I don’t condone spanking all over the body like that. I feel ALL real spankings while severe or harsh, should be given in control and only to the butt and upper backs of the legs area. Getting her swinging “without” looking and just hitting you all over your body sounds abusive to me. I hope you’re in a safe relationship.


She gives me choice sometimes of blistering my butt “before or after “dinner.” I prefer after for the obvious reason that i can sit comfortably while eating. But the conversation is strange & it’s not the least casual for both of us. Later I’ll be doing the dishes with a scorched throbbing bottom and she’ll smile and she’ll turn me around and kiss me saying, “I love you but, there’s zero “hanky panky” for you, after a PS!” Does Joey get his PS before or after a meal?


Thank you very much, it is not usual, normally the spanking area is the ass and the pakmas of the hand, this only happens when she is muty enraged


I deserve a good ass beating


My wife has been spanking me for over 15 years now and I can honestly say my my attitude and behavior has changed.

The Wicked Queen

Thank you for your comment Dan. I think most men and their wives would benefit from this sort of lifestyle (within certain parameters). My husband had said time and time again, that he’s a better man on a variety of fronts because of it.


Right now we are on a break from things. Seems like too much going on right now in the world.
I’m starting to wonder if getting back into things would normalize things a bit.

The Wicked Queen

Hi Dave, there ARE certainly a lot of things going on right now. We’re just trying to keep a positive attitude as much as possible. Hope all is well and hope your discipline returns sooner rather than later! 🙂


Other than Mister Rogers, I don’t know a man who couldn’t benefit from a good thrashing.

The Wicked Queen

Ha! Who knows, maybe he was the recipient of some good spankings, which was why he was so nice! 😉 LOL


Hi Joey, I commend you on being able to submit to such a painful ordeal and envy your ability to stay in position. I’ve tried a number of times but just keep moving to avoid the cane. ts a different matter when I’m restrained but I’d like to develop the strength to hold position whilst not restrained. Do you have any tips, is there a fate worst than the spanking that will result from your movement?


Our real spankings happen a lot like yours.They usually last between 3 to 5 minuets of rapid fire swats. the first swat is as hard as the last swat.When my wife tells me to assume the position she is all business from there on. She will usually ask why I am being spanked for , and giving vague answers will usually start a pre-spanking . If I have really screwed up she will tell me to leave the implements laying on the bed for future spankings later that same day.


What is a real spanking?
To me a real spanking, is a spanking which has next to a physical, also a mental impact. It does something with your mind.
A funspanking misses that mental impact.
But to me a real spanking comprises more than just harsh punishment spanking.
I think and experienced how it can declutter one’s mind.
And I dont mean it can cure a real depression. You cannot cure a depression by spankings.
A real depression, not a dip, is a serious condition for which professional help is needed.
In our life we can meet with certain obstacles which can obstruct our emotions.  
Emotions are blocked and get piled up in one’s mind, a spanking can break that block.
I never cry from pain, but for me such a hard spanking can make me shed tears and get my life back on the track.

The Wicked Queen

Hello Appiem and thank you for your comment. First off…We wholeheartedly agree that spanking is not meant to treat or cure ANY mental illness. If anyone is suffering from depression, anxiety or any other mental condition, we believe they should seek professional help as you stated. I know for my husband it can be very mentally “freeing” as well. While I DO have some implements I believe could make just about anyone cry…I do agree that most of the time Joey cries, it is because he is allowing himself to let go. Great comment Appiem!


You touched on a lot of things that a real spanking is. I totally agree, a “real spanking,” no matter who is VC receiving it malw or female, the goal is produce real crying as quickly as possible. It whould be 10/90% crying ratio. Only the first 10% of the VC spanking is from the moment the first swat happen to the moment you lose yoyr composure and your cryibg freely. The remainder 90% of the spanking continues while you are bawling and sobbing. A “real adult spanking” wearher or not Im giving one to my girlfriend or recieving one from her has thise basic components.
No protection: It starts on the bare from the very first whack.
-No Warm up: It starts with an implement from the very first whack .
Instant Maximum intensity: Instantaneously fast and furious rapid-fire whacks, shock and awe beginning. As fast as the swats can be givin, from the very first whack to the very last.
-Instant Maximum Force: As hard as the whacks can be given from the very first whack to the very last.
-No Swat Restrictions: It’s unlimited swats, no specificed number of whacks, it will onlt stop when the one giving the spanking feels like stopping.
NoTime Restriction: There is no countdown timer, it will continue for as long as the spanker desire.
No Safe Word: Nothing you say will stop the spanking or slow down the intensity.

The Wicked Queen

Hello Intenseswitch and thanks for your comment and thoughts. I’m not familiar with the term “VC spanking”. What does VC stand for?


I think this is one good example of a what a real spanking can be. When I was growing up, we got real spankings. Every household that used spanking as a method of punishment was real. In every school that used corporal punishment, it was real. There were numerous ways it was administered, and all of them were real.

What all these real examples of real spankings had in common was that the disciplinarian, or the authority under which they operated, decided what to administer and how to administer it. That’s the criteria I use for real. For a disciplinarian to have control over things, they must be making the decisions and determining what is needed for the circumstances at hand. That can look quite different from one relationship to the next, or one spanking to the next.

In a consensual relationship, you agree to conditions and boundaries and follow them. So the disciplinarian’s control can be limited from the beginning. I see that as an overriding authority, like a state law or school policy that guides the one in charge. With DD, the one being spanked is a voice in this higher authority. That makes it, at least to some degree, self-discipline. It’s not less real, but it’s different than the non-consensual form of real discipline. In any case, methods and rules are decided by people with different needs and opinions.

The Wicked Queen

Great thoughts! Thanks for sharing!


Hi, Love your blogging and reading about your relationship!
I don’t think I’ve ever given my husband beatings quite as sound as some that you’ve described but I can tell you he has received quite a few really good beatings along with many sound spankings. All of which have caused him to make the needed changes in his life and come to dread and/or try to avoid any and all trips over my lap.
I spank and paddle for real also, knowing and seeing the positive difference it makes in our relationship.
Reading one of the letters I see that someone leaves implements out purposely. I too have done this but usually it’s for him to see when he comes home before I do, or if I leave before him.
Also if we have guests over and I decide he’ll be on the receiving end after they leave, I’ve brought the hairbrush downstairs and set it on a coffee table, once I brought the belt downstairs and casually put it over the back of the sofa. No one has mentioned anything and probably not thought anything of it but my husband knows what it means especially after he sees it, we make eye contact and I give him a little smile or a raised eyebrow.
Once his family was visiting and I thought he was being a bit too boisterous and outspoken having opposing views than theirs. He was warned to calm himself a couple of times but ultimately didn’t. I finally stopped him, told him to go upstairs and get my hairbrush for me but added for him to stay up there five minutes as I thought he needed a ‘time out’ to just calm down a little. We discussed it a little but he was able to see it my way and went upstairs. I texted him while he was up there to go to the bathroom and masturbate (I wanted the testosterone drained!) I called him down a few minutes later and he was much more contrite. I ran the wooden brush through my hair a couple of times and set it on the coffee table saying “I’ll use it later.”
As soon as everyone left, down came my husband’s jeans and underwear and he received the spanking of his life right there in the living room. He’s been much better controlling himself since that time but I do sometimes put him over my lap before company arrives just to make sure.

The Wicked Queen

Hi Jennifer and thank you for the kind words and for providing some insight into your spanking relationship! I’ve often said, and still contend that men are just grown up boys with more expensive toys and less accountability or ramifications for their actions. I know first hand how effective a real spanking for my husband is and he even admits that they have helped curb his errant behavior and cultivated him towards being a kinder person. I love the examples you’ve provided as we’ve experienced similar issues/events as well. If you haven’t already, check out “Sandal Associations” where the sandals I wear, indicate a much harsher implement he’ll get spanked with, if he continues being bad. Great for parties as just a few dangles or clicks of my sandal, can have him change course on the spot. Also, I think you’ll like and appreciate “Pre-Company Spankings” which often prevent him acting unruly while company is here. Hope to hear from you again in the not too distant future. 🙂



I love your style very much! I also force my husband to “relieve himself” prior to Domestic Discipline. No testosterone, no adrenaline, I want his buttocks at maximum sensitivity for his paddling, I want no sexual thoughts at all to buoy him, I want and insist on bitter tears down his face from the painful red ass I give him.

as I explained previously, I also incorporate punishment tickling into our FLR. Todd is very very ticklish, much more so after orgasm. Soooo, sometimes to keep him off guard, instead of a paddling or whipping, Todd gets a post “reliving himself” punishment tickle torture while he has zero sex drive and nerves totally on edge. Todd cries much sooner from punishment tickling, then he does from an ass beating.

it’s amazing how FLR works! A 105 pound girl totally controlling a muscular big man sexually, financially, and literally beat his ass for infractions of our agreement.


Colleen…You and Jennifer have given me a fantastic idea. LOL! Although I am not a fan of grown men “relieving themselves”, in fact Kent has had some severe punishments when I have caught him doing it. BUT I think you gals are on to something here. All of Kent’s spankings always begin the same way, with him standing completely naked while I list his infractions and lecture on why they’re not acceptable. His little member is usually rock hard and sticking straight out by the time I am finished, and I always point this out to him. Most of the times I’ll tell him, I am about to make it go away then have him bend over for his punishment. It’s usually gone by the third swat, and I always let him know that too! LOL!
Now the idea you ladies have given me is to add supervised “relieving himself” to his punishment when he is in this state. I think that ridding him of testosterone could be a very effective way to add to his punishment. I know it is humiliating for Kent when I point out his little unwanted member and even more so when I point out I made it disappear, but I think you ladies have just added another level to discipline in our home. Thank you both. I can’t wait to try it.



I love your style! I can tell you wear the pants in your marriage, and your husband wears nothing at all unless you allow him panties on the weekends under his clothes

just using the word “masturbate” makes Todd cringe, he’s MUCH more sensitive to pain after orgasm , more ticklish, can’t stand body smells that usually turn him on, so once he has relieved himself, his ego gone, is a good time for punishment and humiliation!

here are a few more helpful hints: A naked man ain’t in charge! Get his clothes off, I have made Todd strip completely in front of my sister many times, and she witnessed his bare butt paddled on two occasions when he was too mouthy during her visit. He has also been forced to kneel and smell my bare feet, it’s quite humbling for a man to be forced to kiss and smell cheesy feet after I’ve been on my feet 10 hours!

keep us posted!


“Tough enough?” and “Improvement in other areas”:
I could not agree more.
Real punishment spankings WORK.

The Wicked Queen

We certainly think so! 😉

John Smith

Agreed, I think many people don’t understand the macho part of spanking. A little boy can be petulant with a woman and refuse to be brought into line, but it takes a man to take a spanking to restore harmony. Too many boys take the view that it is the wife who sacrifices to restore harmony, which I believe is a wrong view.

My wife considers me to be the leader of the family, but leaders need to be accountable and lead from the front as well.

A difference with us is that it happens before sex, the idea being that I have to earn that right, i.e. being a man, facing up to my errors and leading from the front.

The Wicked Queen

Hi John and thanks for your thoughts and insight. I really liked your sentence, “My wife considers me to be the leader of the family, but leaders need to be accountable and lead from the front as well.” Excellent!

John Smith

You’re welcome. Do you have something similar with your wife (say with who leads and accountability)?

The Wicked Queen

Sorry, I’m not sure what you’re asking? And I ~am~ the wife.

John Smith

My bad. I was wondering if you have a similar situation in your married life to ours regarding your husband leading and you holding him accountable (paradoxical as this may sound).

The Wicked Queen

Ah, I see. So yeah, Joey is very much a strong figure in our home, and I DO love that about him. But I would say we’re more of a partnership on household decisions/duties, rather than either one of us “leading” completely. 🙂

John Smith

Are you aware of any other couples where the man is the leader, but where he sees taking spanking as being an integral part of being a big, tough man?

The Wicked Queen

Our only insight into other spanking couples has been this blog and our interaction therein. We’ve corresponded with a few couples who seem to be very much like us, but I don’t know for sure, if the husband is seen as the leader in those relationships.


Just found your site. I’m not spanked by my wife – yet. She’s just not ready for that.
I was, however, spanked a few times by a male (unfortunately) roommate. He was furious with me at how messy I left our apartment when he was going to have company. He caught me coming out of the bathroom after taking a shower and really let me have it, verbally. He was dressed and I only had a towel around me. I made a flippant comment about how maybe he should spank me, and he said maybe he should.
I went to the kitchen and got a flat wooden spoon, nice flat surface for stirring things and said if he really wanted to. He asked if I really meant it, I asked if he really wanted to. He had cooled off a bit by now.
I told him I was wrong and deserved to be punished, especially as I knew how my behavior bothered him, even before this incident. He looked unsure, and my stomach was tied in knots. We looked at each other and then I turned around, place my hands on the counter, spread my legs and pushed my backside out causing the towel to drop to the floor.
He stood there looking at me, then hit my left buttock with the spoon. Hard! I let out a whimper and jumped and he hit it again, and again. He then hit my right buttock. Neither of us counted. Hurt like hell and I hoped he wasn’t causing lasting damage.
When he was through he said maybe I should stand in the corner a while. I did and he went to his room.
When he came back after maybe an hour we talked about what had just happened for awhile, me nude facing into the corner with my buttocks on fire. We worked out some rules going forward and he let me out of the corner.
He spanked me a couple times again, but my behavior really changed for the better.
Wish my wife would do this to me!

New to DD


What is a good number of implements for my “Queen B” (QB) to use on me when administering a “good ol’ country ass whipping”… any thoughts?

I have handcrafted an arsenal for my QB to punish me with; paddles, straps, rods/canes, etc. I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into at the time.

Do you have any preferences on starters and/or finishers?

I know that the thick paddle that I made from one of our mesquite trees will make my knees buckle and put me on the floor within 10 swats. In my pea brain, that one (1) is definitely a closer.

Anyway, I was just curious to know if you had any words of wisdom that you were willing to share.

Thanks in advance for your insight.

All the best!

AC – New to DD

The Wicked Queen

I DO actually. But before I expand on that, I had to laugh as that sounded just like the path Joey used to be on, where he’d buy or make these crazy harsh implements (see Wicked Switch), and boy did they come back to bite him on the butt…literally! LOL.

Anyway, as of late, a GREAT spanking combination is to start off with a thick, dense, pliable leather belt (from both sides), and then finish with a good paddling. The way I like to spank with the belt, is to JUST barely get the side of the butt cheek that is farthest from me. That’s why I spank from both sides, to GET both sides. Then the paddle gets all the middle. At the end, you have one completely “addressed” (read: wrecked) backside. OH, and tell her not to forget the upper backs of the legs – with the belt ONLY. Not the paddle.

Sorry, but YOU did ask. 😉

New to DD

Dear WQ,

As always, the knowledge/wisdom that you share is most appreciated.

I sure wish my QB was ambidextrous. When it comes to the belt, my right cheek always takes the brunt. We’ve had the discussion, and she’s working on getting better at giving it to me from both sides.

As brutal as some of the paddles might be, there is definitely something to be said about equilibrium about the cheeks

Thanks again!

All the best!

AC – New to DD

The Wicked Queen

I developed a strong backhand using my belt, with many years of practice. Another option is for her to have you on the bed with a couple pillows elevating your behind into perfect “spanking position”, then she can use the same overhand stroke, from both sides to get that equal distribution. 😉

Spanked Hubby

Yay! My Wife and i have this same paddle!

The Wicked Queen

It gets quite the reaction from my husband.

Spanked Hubby

What a fantastic read!!!

The Wicked Queen

Thank you! 😊

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