Spanking Machine Tips & Tricks

In case you hadn’t seen yet, we’ve started selling a spanking machine! We’ve actually worked out a deal with the manufacturer, so we can offer them at a discount to the readers of our blog. And I’m happy to report that they are starting to sell pretty well. More spankings happening across America!

“You get  a spanking…you get a spanking…EVERYONE gets a spanking!”

As we’ve mentioned before, we’re often asked, “How can I find someone to spank me?”And while we remain hopeful that those who so desire that, WILL eventually find that special someone to spank them. But in the meantime, they can get a spanking just about anytime they desire.

As you may know I have experienced getting spanked by it first hand…

spanking machine using lexan cane

spanking machine using wicked switch

And I’ve learned that it can BRING SOME STING!

I have quite the inquisitive mind, and can get too detailed for my own good. So after my first spanking with it, and as I watched the video as I was editing it, I noticed a few things that I could’ve done to help increase the level of spanking pain it can give. Why would I do this you ask? Well, if you’ve read this post – Joey’s Spanking Machine Spanking. You’ll remember that Jess told me I needed to get spanked by the machine while she was out, and that I had better record it, AND have marks from it or else SHE would put marks on ME! Well, spoiler alert, I didn’t have satisfactory marks per Jess, and so I got the full wrath of Jess when she got home. SO…I found ways to make the spanking machine more effective. SIDE NOTE: I’ll be the first to recognize that I have a high pain threshold, so you may not need some of these tips, but if you’re looking to kick it up a notch, these tips can certainly help. So let’s get on with it!

spanking machine clamp closeupSecure Tightly – Make sure the spanking machine is secured very well to whatever desk or piece of furniture you’re attaching it to. Failing to do so can allow the spanking machine to move around during use, potentially even falling off whatever you have it attached to. I recommend that, upon first use, you look to see if it is moving after the first few swats/lashes.

The second part of this, is be mindful of not scratching or denting the surface that you’re attaching it to. The top part of the clamp, has some foam to help protect against scratching, but the bottom part of the clamp is a round disc, that doesn’t have any foam on it. So again, just pay attention to what you’re clamping it to, and tighten, but don’t over-tighten. Capiche? Also make sure to tighten the black tightening knobs as much as possible. Again, trying to mitigate as much movement as possible. SOME movement will happen, but the less movement = MORE POWER and INTENSITY to your butt.

Weight & Stability – Also, make sure that whatever you have it attached to, has some good weight and stability to it. If you attach it to a flimsy or light weight table, it will likely move the whole table with each swat or lash. If this happens, the implement will lose energy on each swat/lash, as it moves. This in turn, means that each swat will not be as effective or painful as it could/should be.  In the picture showing the clamp, I attached it to an inexpensive bookshelf. But during usage, I noticed with each swat/lash from the machine, it was moving the whole bookshelf a bit. (NOTE: I have the spanking machine set to the MAX position, which is 1 click past 10 on the intensity dial, so I’m sure that added power contributed to it moving. So I simply put some some weights (about 40 lbs of dumbells) to the bottom of the shelf and it worked very well in preventing excess movement, which consequently brought forth a more painful lash of the cane as it wasn’t losing much “spanking energy”.

Body Positioning – There are three positions that I have tested this out with. 1) Being bent over the end of the bed, which is often how Jess will spank me. 2) Laying face down on the bed. 3) Laying face down on the bed, with my butt perched up, over a spanking pillow (which is one of those stuffed reading pillows with arms). BTW – I think it is pretty cool that this spanking machine is able to accommodate these positions fairly easily.

One think I think is important to mention, is that this is a spanking MACHINE. Therefore it is going to spank in the same spot that it is “aimed at and aligned to, over and over again. While Jess will often land swats on my backside in the same spot for a few swats in a row, she won’t just camp out at a spot and continue spanking the same spot over and over again. I imagine that there is a way to add a second engine to vary and change the angle the spanking machine or move it up and down to spank in different spots, BUT…I can also imagine a much higher priced machine in order to do that.

But it’s not necessary. You can simply emulate a real spanking just by slightly moving around just a little. I demonstrate this in the Spanking Machine Spanks Joey video. Just by shifting moving up or down, or by angling your body slightly, you can have it spank different parts of your butt. I even found a way to lift one of my legs, to get one of Jess’s favorite “upper backs of the legs lashes”. Yeah, those hurt pretty good.

Also keep in mind, if you just want a fun spanking, you can use a small paddle like this one, which works well with the spanking machine, and set the intensity of the machine down to something that gives you just the RIGHT amount of heat to your seat. 😉

brown spanking paddle

Spanking Machine Positioning – I mentioned above that the machine can spank in just about any position, but what I want to talk about here is the positioning of the spanking machine and implement, in relation to your butt. There is a stopping point on the spanking machine, where the implement holder can’t go past. If the machine is too far from its target, it’ll hit that stopping point before the implement makes contact with your backside. However this CAN work well, IF the implement you have in there has a little flex to it.

spanking machine stopping pointBut if it doesn’t have any flex then it being too far away, will prevent the spanking implement from landing with full force.

Conversely, if it is too close, you’ll still feel some sting from it, but it will not able to get a full motion swing in, in order to give you the most “bang for your butt”. 😉  (By the way: This is how the dial/levels on the spanking machine work; the lower the number, the less range of motion it will swing.)

So the goal is to get the distance just right. Not too far, and not too close. And again, it’s important to realize that the distance is likely to vary depending on the spanking implement. The best way to find the right distance or position…testing and more testing until you find it. And believe me, you’ll know when you do! Something about instantaneous feedback. 😉

If you are bent over for your spanking, then you can easily inch your way closer or farther away to it, until you find that right connect point for the implement you’re using.

The last thing about positioning…most of you know that Jess likes to spank me from both sides with most implements. With the paddle, she’ll just spank from one side, as she can address any area of my butt simply by angling her swats with the paddle. With implements like the belt, cane, straps or switch, she spanks from both sides, as the end of the implement lands just on the outside of the butt cheek. So if you are using a cane or switch, and want to get it from both sides, then I recommend the lying down position, as you can simply stop the machine, move your body in a 180 degrees, and then turn on the machine and start getting it from “the other side”.

If you taking your spanking from it bending over, you’ll have to unscrew the clamp and set it up on the other side of you. Which is a break in the spanking. Maybe that works for what you want to do. Or maybe the next time you use it you do it from the other side. But…if you want the Jess spanking experience…the lying down position is going to spank you from both sides with little to no pauses as she like to do.

Spanking Implements – Now there are some limits to the spanking machine as to what implements you can use with it. For one, the implement holder can only open to a certain width. I found that width to be a little on the small side. For example, it was able to accommodate the handle of one of our bath brushes. But not one with a wider handle. BUT…I found a workaround.

locking nut removal on spanking machineWhere the implement holder is, there are two plastic nuts that you screw open to insert your spanking implement, then screw close and tighten, to secure said spanking implement. Well at the end of the screw that the plastic nut is on, is a small locking nut. The only purpose of that nut is to prevent you from accidentally unscrewing the larger plastic nut all the way off the screw. Not really a problem. And even in you did, it is easy to screw back onto the screw.

The size of the small locking nut is 8mm, but 5/16″ SAE will work too, albeit not as tight a fit. But it doesn’t really matter as you’re just unscrewing it. And if you don’t have either, a small crescent wrench will do the trick. Remember…”Lefty Loosey”. 😉

With these small metal lock nuts removed, you’ll now be able to unscrew the larger plastic knobs further, thus increasing the width of what the spanking implement can hold. That said, remember that the spanking machine has weight limits for the spanking implements it can swing. The manufacturer recommends to only use implements weighing 4.4 ounces or less.

Ok, back to the spanking implements I’ve tried out with it…

  • Wooden Bath Brush – This wooden bath brush provides a good audible SMACK sound when it lands perfectly. And so you can find that position and hold it, and take as many smacks in that one spot. BUT, I’ve found that due to the curvature of the butt, it is hard to move around to find other “perfect” smacks like that. But, play around with it and see what you can come up with. Maybe you’ll come across a better way. Note: While I haven’t used a wooden spoon in the spanking machine, I saw a picture or video of someone doing so, and it appears to me that it would be very similar to this. But perhaps due to the curve of the spoon, perhaps it might sting worse? 🤔

Wooden bath brush

  • The Wicked Switch – I thought this would be the worst of the worst (as it is in real life), BUT…it actually wasn’t too bad. I think the reason for that is that it is TOO flexible. I just had another thought in relation to this. And that is to make the switch shorter, to eliminate some of that flex, or, tape a guide rod with it to remove some of that flex. That is probably the smarter choice for me, as I can only imagine what Jess would do if I cut her wicked switch! 😬 Actually I CAN imagine.She’s been pretty cool with not “making” me make some more, because they are a pain to make, but she would definitely make me make at least one more. Which would suck, knowing that as soon as I was done with it, she would shred my backside with it. *shudders*. But I digress.

the wicked spanking switch

  • The Red Cane of Pain – I’ve tried a Lexan cane, a shorter water soaked rattan cane, and our new Red Cane of Pain. This Acrylic red cane was the winner. Shhhh, don’t tell Jess. 😉 Basically any rod type implement is going to be the worst to get spanked by in my not so humble opinion.

red spanking cane

But just to be clear…I am 95% sure that with Jess swinging both of these, the Wicked Switch would still remain the meanest implement in the house. But for the spanking machine, IMHO, this spanking cane is more effective.

spanking machine with red cane

  • Belts or Straps – So the belts we have are longer in length, and not well suited for spanking machines. That said, I have an old punishment strap that is doubled layered, thick and dense, that doesn’t flop around too much. In fact, it is this strap here..

It is a great spanking strap, but nowadays, if it gets to the point where I need a good strapping, Jess’s go to is the Wicked Strap. 😬 So this strap here is pretty much retired. I was thinking of selling it on our site, but when I came across it the other day in our stores of spanking implements, it dawned on me that this might be a candidate for the spanking machine, due to its thickness and not much flopping around-ness. (I know, don’t play scrabble with me.) 😅

In its current length, it wouldn’t work, so I’d have to cut it. Which…I kinda’ hate cutting a nice strap like this, ESPECIALLY if it doesn’t work out in the spanking machine. I would have to find the right length, and make sure it is within the 4 oz weight recommended weight limit by the manufacturer and then see if it works. I guess my point here is that there may be a leather strap out there that can work with the spanking machine, but you’d have to find that right balance of weight, length, and of course it not being too floppy. I’ll continue in my lab in my spare time, as that could be something we add to spanking implements that we well. Stay tuned.

So there you have it! Some hopefully helpful tips to the spanking machine. We’ve sold over 100 of these spanking machines in just like 6 months, and so if you’ve bought one from us and have come across a tip not mentioned here…let us know in the comments.

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Another good article, Joey! Having acquired the Spanking Machine a few years back (earlier model than the new and improved model that You have), i head learned through trial and error most of the tips you wrote about here. Though i could get it to work pretty well, i experienced one ongoing issue: i just could not get it tight enough to the table that was the best item i had to fasten it to in order to use it long enough for a very good spanking. As it swung back and forth, it inevitably would start losing its grip and not work out well. It seemed to me that if they had a larger overall clamp that was wider and deeper, it would grip and hold better. i really ratcheted it down, too, including using items between clamp and table to prevent it from scarring the table. i think if they focused on a better clamp system it would be great. In the end, it actually snapped off from the clamp, not allowing me to use it anymore. Perhaps a newer model would work better for me, and i am considering it, but i see from your pictures that the clamp system is the same, so it most likely would still be a challenge for me based on what i have in my house to work with it.

Actually, i dream of the Spanking Machine of the future, now that AI and animatronics area here and being further developed. i found a website that makes realistic looking life-size “dolls” that are targeted to be positioned as receptionists and such to greet people and and answer questions and such in a manner that makes them seem like real people with moving lips and eyes and head, etc. i immediately thought of how one could be developed to be a robotic spanker. A person could position Her sitting on a chair, and the head and arms would move so that it could scold the dickens out of you as you stood by it. When She commanded you to bend over Her knee, She could guide you down onto Her lap and Her computer could make sure you were situated properly. Then, as She continued scolding throughout, She could hold you in place with one arm and raise the other arm back and swing it down over and over (just like the current spanking machine) and really deliver a traditional spanking that would definitely be at the level of punishment that was needed. Sure, it would not be an inexpensive device, but over time the cost would come down just as all technology does. THAT would a FANTASTIC spanking machine, and perhaps you will make it available to order through your and The Wicked Queen’s website, Joey!


 Hello Joey,

Just to let you know, this machine is pure joy. Been using on a weekly basis for maintenance spankings .

I submit myself to 100 strokes, each session. Usually mixing up the modes. Maybe 50 in random at #6 and finish with 50 strokes on the timer (1:10 mins.) #7 . I prefer to start the spanking on a thin pair of silk or satin panties, and last half, bare cheeks.

I have created 4 different spanking scenarios , each with a total of 100 strokes . I put 4 pieces of paper , labeled A-D in a box and pull at random. Once that scenario is completed , it goes into a completed box , until I’ve gone through all four. I plan to add more as I can create .

I did, force myself to take 50 strokes, random mode, #8 on bare cheeks. Boy did that string, and yes I did moan loudly .

For the mean time, I will stay with the 100 stroke regimen , varying the power level .

I am using a flexible 2 in. wide leather paddle, with handle cut off. There is a plastic insert, to make the paddle flexible, but stiff. It’s about 14 in long. It is designed for BDSM use .

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x