How To Give A Fun Spanking

While the majority of the spankings I get now are disciplinary spankings, on occasion I still get “fun” spankings. So I wanted to create a post about important elements that should be part of a “fun spanking”. For the record, this is how it all started for Jess and I. Early on in our relationship, fun spankings were our favorite kind of foreplay. And we continued some form of fun spankings for many, many years before we started down the discipline spanking realm. So if you’re wanting to start getting into discipline spankings, this is still a good read, as there are a lot of the same elements included for both. Additionally, if trying to ease into the waters or persuade your significant other into doing spanking, this will take off some of the pressure, and provide some practice, experience, and familiarity with this kind of impact play. So let’s get to it, shall we?

woman holding a beltKEY ELEMENTS FOR A FUN SPANKING:

COMMUNICATION – I strongly recommend that before a fun spanking even begins, that you talk about each other’s wants, desires and expectations about fun spanking. A good way to break the ice is to talk about thoughts or spanking scenes that excite you both and how that might play out for you. If you feel weird talking about it, suggest writing spanking scenes to each other, to communicate what each other is “into”. (Again, if you are trying to introduce your partner to the world of spanking, the key is to start slow. Don’t write about a spanking scene that is so hardcore, that he or she is like, “OK Freak Show! I’m OUT!” πŸ˜… Even if they don’t actually leave, it could put up walls to the whole spanking idea.)

As mentioned in my eBook “How To Get Your GF or Wife to Spank You“, writing or talking about spanking each other would get my girlfriend at the time, and I so aroused, that it had us both looking forward to exploring that spanking scene. BTW – If you’re trying to introduce your partner to spankings and the scenes you like involve dungeons, latex, whips and chains…you might consider starting off with something a little more tame. You can always continue to expand on your scenes as you, they or the both of you get more comfortable with the spanking idea.

For example: You could write a story about how you forgot your wallet at a small town diner, while traveling for business, and the waitress takes it out of your backside. Of course adding all the details is what makes it more exciting and fun, but it was just one idea to get you started. The key is that you both write out stories and you’ll both learn about each others desires, not only as it pertains to spanking, but other things as well.

Closing thoughts on communication, is to communicate before, even during, and especially AFTER the spanking session. That worked out well for Jess and I. As this was a precursor to sex for us, after the “main event”, we’d lie in bed and often talk about the spanking portion of it. Things like…”this didn’t hurt that much” or “I like it when you did this but not this.” or…”That paddle hurt TOO much!”, etc. I can’t stress enough how well this will dial you both into what is “good” for the both of you, as it pertains to spanking. And it doesn’t have to be RIGHT after, or maybe even not that same day, but I recommend sometime shortly after. And if either one of you still find that uncomfortable, just write your thoughts to each other.

SAFEWORD – Could be part of the communication paragraph but I think it is SO IMPORTANT that it should have its own. A safeword is a word or phrase that allows the spankee to indicate that the spanking it is getting too rough/harsh or the limits of the spankee are being reached. The purpose of the safeword is to allow getting into a spanking scene without stopping it prematurely. Or to not totally kill the erotic-ness of the moment by yelling, “WTF! OK! Stop!!” That might be a little awkward. You can indicate that you’re getting to your limits by using a safeword like, “Hold me” to signal full stop. Or “I’ll behave” indicating that your almost to your limit. Some people use colors. Yellow meaning “getting close to my pain threshold” and Red meaning “done”. I personally like more subtle or intimate cues instead of calling out colors in the middle of a spanking, but you can use whatever word(s) you want, and it can be fun to create them and talk about it with your spanking partner. But it is important to talk about what they mean, and make sure both of your are on the same page. And most important is to ALWAYS honor each other’s safeword. If you don’t, you’ll risk losing any trust your partner had in you. And you’ll turn a fun, erotic spanking scene, into a train wreck; likely ending the possibility of spanking scenes moving forward. Safewords can be the same word or phrase for both or could be unique to each person and specific to their personality and likes. By understanding and using safewords, you’ll learn more about your partners limits moving forward which is great for future spankings. Even though this post is centered around fun spankings, safety in spankings is always paramount.

WARM UP – If this is going to be an enjoyable experience, then really should be a “warm up” spanking to get things started. For new comers, the best way to give a warm up spanking is by using your hand on your partners butt. To really start slow, start by first spanking them over their clothing, rubbing the bottom between every few swats. Gauge their reaction, and even ask them if that was too hard, or too soft. Then proceed to spank them on the underwear and apply the same approach. And finally on the bare butt. Again, asking if it is too hard or too soft.

You’ll likely notice that when you pull down their underwear, their butt will be pink or maybe even lightly red. Yes! The warm up spanking is is full swing! πŸ˜‰ If the spankee is game, and wants to proceed, you can then perhaps look to add a spanking implement. A good warm up implement is something that is more “thuddy” instead of “stingy”. Thuddy implements are ones that will have some sting to them, but the recipient will feel more impact instead of sting. A rubber soled (not jelly) sandal could be a good candidate for this. And when you start…remember to give light swats first to again gauge response. And remember to rub the bottom after every 2 to 3 swats. Remember that you can also go then a little harder if the spankee is wanting that. But if you go TOO HARD, you chance scaring the spankee from the whole spanking concept. So patience is key.

Chances are, by this point, you’ll both be turned of “AF”. But if the spankee wants to keep on increasing intensity, you’ll need to thoughtful with how you approach that. For instance, moving on to a heavy and wide leather belt CAN be a good progression from this point BUT…you first have to make sure you’ve got your belt skills down, as an errant flying belt can turn this into a very “not fun” spanking with a single swat. And to reiterate, start off light, and for these initial sessions, always ask if it was too hard, or too soft. Again, Communication is KEY!

sitting on the bed holding a belt

IMPLEMENTS – For a fun spanking to be FUN, it is very important to know and understand your spanking implements. Nothing derails up a fun spanking implementsspanking like getting a swat from an implement that is way beyond your pain desire/threshold. “RED! Are you crazy? What the hellΒ isΒ that?” You can imagine the “fun” conversation that is going to ensue after that.

If you and your partner are open to it, I highly recommend spanking each other with various spanking implements or “toys” that you’ll be playing with. This will give each a good understanding of how something feels. Not just on the receiving end but on the giving end as well. For instance, if you stand too close when swinging a belt or a strap, the wrap-around to the side of the hip or even the front of the spankee could end the FUN immediately.

Not only do belts and straps feel and sting differently than a sandal, bathbrush or paddle, but different belts/straps will feel and sting differently depending on weight, flexibility, width and how they are swung. BTW – When dealing with straps of any kind, it is always good idea to swing lightly at first to get a feel for it and to adjust your aim as needed. And there is this dreaded thing called an “edge” swat that should probably not have an appearance in a fun spanking scene. Jess wrote a blog post about using belts for spanking. It is a good read if you want to start using a belt, as it contains many tips and tricks on how to use it. It was written from a disciplinary spanking perspective, but the tips section alone is good for anyone who has not had a lot of spanking experience with belts.

The first spanking I gave Jess (back when she was my girlfriend), was with a light rubber belt and I was ever so careful because I didn’t want her to be turned off and not want to do it anymore. The light swats to her bottom ended up being a great warmup spanking for her and after about 10 swats, she asked, “Is that all the harder you can spank?” So I turned it up from light to medium swats, and then even finished with a couple hard ones that she handled just fine. We were both very aroused and the sex was exPLOSIVE!

Spanking can be so much fun but the right elements have to be present for a good experience for both!

4.6 9 votes
Article Rating
Notify of

Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

hopefully I’m on my way to being a better husband. I seem to procrastinate to much, even by my own standards. thanks a bunch, I will probably read evert word of your posts.

The Wicked Queen

Hi Mick and thanks for reading! My husband, by his own admission, has stated that he’s more “on point” with regard to setting and getting his goals and procrastinating a lot less. When accountability bites the backside, men seem to find the time to get what they want, or what needs to get done…done. πŸ˜‰


I like the idea of starting with fun spankings until my wife gets used to giving them and then move on to punishment spankings. I know that there is a world of difference but if I start right out with punishment spankings I may scare her away from trying anything.


Is there a rough normal as to how many spankings are given in a fun spanking? You say give a few spanks and rub the butt then give some more? Just wondering if there is a normal to the number, especially for just starting out.

Tony Conrad

Stop when you stop enjoying it. If she has a paddle it will be very easy for her.

The Wicked Queen

Good concise advice as it pertains to a fun spanking. Communication before, during and after is what will dial you both in. πŸ™‚

John Smith

My wife and I have the practice of disciplinary spankings before sex. Maybe there is some element of fun, but they are definitely painful, as indeed they should be. As a result, sex is always with a clean slate.

The Wicked Queen

Hi John and thanks for providing insight as to what you and your wife do. Certainly not a right or wrong practice in our book. Just whatever works for the couple.

John Smith

Do you have any views on whether it is something you would personally do (even if it is neither right nor wrong)?

For us, what works about it is that it means sex involves no unresolved bad feelings. I never find myself in the middle of things thinking that things aren’t quite right because something is still lingering.

The Wicked Queen

I haven’t really thought about it at length, but you provide an good point. For us though, the spanking does wipe the slate clean in and of itself. If we have sex immediately after or a few days after, we have the same effect. But again, we think people should do what they like doing. So I don’t have a strong opinion or view of it either way. πŸ™‚

Tony Conrad

I am into fun spankings from my wife for many years. I don’t want it to develop into a discipline thing as I love it as it is. She is very comfortable with it. She looks at me as the head of the house and I generally lead in the marriage. I don’t know anyone else who is like us but I love it and it makes the marriage very strong for me.

The Wicked Queen

Thanks for the comment and glad to hear! A lot of people are into “fun spankings”. In fact, “impact play” is a very common form of foreplay. And as we always say…whatever works best for the couple, is what is best for them.

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x