How To Give A Fun Spanking

While the majority of the spankings I get now are disciplinary spankings, on occasion I still get “fun” spankings. I also wanted to create a post talking about how to give and receive a “fun” spanking.

woman holding a beltSo my definition of a fun spanking is where two consenting adults agree to incorporate spanking into their sexplay. Spanking before sex is FUN. Sex after spanking is AWESOME! I highly recommend it. ๐Ÿ™‚
Key elements to a fun spanking are:

WARM UPย – If this is going to be an enjoyable experience, then a “warm up” spanking should be given. The easiest way to give a warm up spanking is by using your hand on your partners butt. First over clothing, rubbing the bottom between every few swats, then on the underwear, then on the bare butt.

You’ll notice that when you pull down the underwear, the butt will be pink or lightly red. The warm up spanking is is full swing! You can then get an implement. A good warm up implement is something that is more “thuddy” instead of “stingy”. Thuddy implements will have some sting to them but the recipient will feel more impact instead of sting. A rubber soled (not jelly) sandal might be a good candidate and then give mild swats, then a little harder (medium) swats. And again, rubbing the butt in between every few swats. Moving on to a heavy and wide leather belt can be a good progression up from there BUT…you have to make sure you’ve got your belt skills down as it can turn into a very “not fun” spanking if you don’t. See all the ins and outs of belt spankings here.
Anyway, warm up spanking will allow the spankee to take a longer and harder spanking, and make the session a sexy, fun and erotic session for both parties.

COMMUNICATION – I strongly recommend that before a fun spanking starts, that you talk to each other about the wants and needs of each other. Talk about thoughts or spanking scenes that excite you both and how that might play out. If you feel weird talking about it, suggest writing spanking scenes to each other to communicate what each other is “into”. (On a side note: If you are trying to introduce your partner to the world of spanking, the key is to start slow. Don’t write about a spanking scene that is so hardcore, that he or she is like, “Freak Show! I’m OUT!” ๐Ÿ˜… Even if they don’t actually leave, it could put up walls to the whole spanking idea.)

Writing or talking about spanking each other would get my partner and I aroused and had us both looking forward to the spanking taking place. BTW – most scenes don’t involve dungeons and dragons, whips and chains, etc. For example: I wrote an upcoming trip to Vegas where I would push off her sandal with my foot in the airplane, just to be a brat and how she spanked me for it shortly after we got to our hotel room. Well, we later took a trip to Vegas and on the plane I did just that, and in the hotel room, she took her sandal and belt to me! ๐Ÿ™‚ I also highly recommend talking about the spanking session AFTERWARDS. Not like right after and maybe even not that same day but shortly thereafter to discuss. Or like I said, you can also write it to each other if it feels awkward to talk about initially. Communication about…what did you both like, didn’t like…”this didn’t hurt that much” or “I like it when you did this but not this.” or…”This hurt TOO much!” which leads me to…sitting on the bed holding a belt

SAFEWORD – Could be part of the communication paragraph but I think it is SO IMPORTANT that it should have its own. A safeword is a word or phrase that allows the spankee to indicate that the spanking it is getting too rough/harsh or the limits of the spankee are being reached. The purpose of the safeword is to allow getting into a spanking scene without stopping it prematurely. Or to not totally kill the erotic-ness of the moment by yelling, “WTF! OK! Stop!!” That might be a little awkward. You can indicate that you’re getting to your limits by using a safeword like, “Hold me” to signal full stop. Or “I’ll behave” indicating that your almost to your limit. Some people use colors. Yellow meaning “getting close to my pain threshold” and Red meaning “done”. I personally like more subtle or intimate cues instead of calling out colors in the middle of a spanking, but you can use whatever word(s) you want, and it can be fun to create them and talk about it with your spanking partner. But it is important to talk about what they mean, and make sure both of your are on the same page. And most important is to ALWAYS honor each other’s safeword. If you don’t, you’ll risk losing any trust your partner had in you. And you’ll turn a fun, erotic spanking scene, into a train wreck; likely ending the possibility of spanking scenes moving forward. Safewords can be the same word or phrase for both or could be unique to each person and specific to their personality and likes. By understanding and using safewords, you’ll learn more about your partners limits moving forward which is great for future spankings. Even though this post is centered around fun spankings, safety in spankings is always paramount.

IMPLEMENTS – For a fun spanking to be FUN, it is very important to know and understand your spanking implements. Nothing derails up a fun spanking implementsspanking like getting a swat from an implement that is way beyond your pain desire/threshold. “RED! Are you crazy? What the hellย isย that?” You can imagine the “fun or sexy” conversation that is going to ensue after that.

If you and your partner are open to it, I highly recommend spanking each other with various spanking implements or “toys” that you’ll be playing with. This will give each a good understanding of how something feels. Not just on the receiving end but on the giving end as well. For instance, if you stand too close when swinging a belt or a strap, the wrap-around to the side of the hip or even the front of the spankee could end the FUN immediately.

Not only do belts and straps feel and sting differently than a sandal or a bathbrush, but different belts/straps will feel and sting differently depending on weight, flexibility, width and how they are swung. BTW – When dealing with straps of any kind, it is always good idea to swing lightly at first to get a feel for it and to adjust your aim as needed. And there is this dreaded thing called an “edge” swat that should probably not have an appearance in a fun spanking scene.

The first spanking I gave Jess (back when she was my girlfriend), was with a rubber belt and I was ever so careful because I didn’t want her to be turned off and not want to do it anymore. The light swats to her bottom ended up being a great warmup spanking for her and after about 10 swats, she asked, “Is that all the harder you can spank?” So I turned it up from light to medium swats, and then even finished with a couple hard ones that she handled just fine. We were both very aroused and the sex was exPLOSIVE!

Spanking can be so much fun but the right elements have to be present for a good experience for both!

Alright everyone…To your spanking stations!

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hopefully I’m on my way to being a better husband. I seem to procrastinate to much, even by my own standards. thanks a bunch, I will probably read evert word of your posts.

The Wicked Queen

Hi Mick and thanks for reading! My husband, by his own admission, has stated that he’s more “on point” with regard to setting and getting his goals and procrastinating a lot less. When accountability bites the backside, men seem to find the time to get what they want, or what needs to get done…done. ๐Ÿ˜‰


I like the idea of starting with fun spankings until my wife gets used to giving them and then move on to punishment spankings. I know that there is a world of difference but if I start right out with punishment spankings I may scare her away from trying anything.


Is there a rough normal as to how many spankings are given in a fun spanking? You say give a few spanks and rub the butt then give some more? Just wondering if there is a normal to the number, especially for just starting out.

John Smith

My wife and I have the practice of disciplinary spankings before sex. Maybe there is some element of fun, but they are definitely painful, as indeed they should be. As a result, sex is always with a clean slate.

The Wicked Queen

Hi John and thanks for providing insight as to what you and your wife do. Certainly not a right or wrong practice in our book. Just whatever works for the couple.

John Smith

Do you have any views on whether it is something you would personally do (even if it is neither right nor wrong)?

For us, what works about it is that it means sex involves no unresolved bad feelings. I never find myself in the middle of things thinking that things aren’t quite right because something is still lingering.

The Wicked Queen

I haven’t really thought about it at length, but you provide an good point. For us though, the spanking does wipe the slate clean in and of itself. If we have sex immediately after or a few days after, we have the same effect. But again, we think people should do what they like doing. So I don’t have a strong opinion or view of it either way. ๐Ÿ™‚

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