Embarrassed and Humiliated?

f/m otk slipper spankingOn a couple occasions now, Jess and I have read and heard from readers about how embarrassed I must feel when Jess humiliates me as part of the spanking process. I found that interesting because I’ve never felt “embarrassed OR humiliated” before, during or after a spanking.

One gentleman on Quora, wondered how I could not be humiliated during a spanking as my butt is bare, but she is fully clothed and spanking me. It is actually a good question, because upon thinking about it, I would imagine that many, maybe even most, would feel embarrassed and/or humiliated in that situation. At least to some degree. So it got my wheels spinning as to why ~I~ didn’t feel that in any way, shape or form.

I responded in brief, but in thinking about it afterwards, I thought I’d expand on it a bit more on our blog. So here it is! 🙂 The reasons why I haven’t felt humiliated while we do TTOO (This Thing of Ours), or TTWD (This Thing We Do).

Time Together & Relationship – Jess and I have been together for over 20 years. And it didn’t take long to realize we had found our soulmates in each other. We still feel that way to this day! Our communication has always been good, along with our love life. We have seen and lived with/supported each other through some of life’s challenges that have been experienced. We’ve also shared some of the greatest moments in our lives as well. In other words, we have seen each other at their best, and at their worst. So I believe this connection we have over time adds to why I don’t feel any embarrassment or humiliation during a spanking session.

Confidence – I’m a pretty confident guy. Jess has recently cited most of the spankings I get, happen when my hubris/arrogance grows to unacceptable levels. I’ve always been pretty sure of myself. And I don’t embarrass easily. In fact, shortly after Jess and I moved in together, it was the norm, for me to be walking around naked in our apartment even when the blinds were open. And when Jess pointed that out…I wouldn’t duck or try to hide, I would just casually walk over to them and close the blinds, saying something to the effect of, “If they want more, they have to pay.” So being naked in front of Jess has never been cause for me to be embarrassed or humiliated either.

I Have Spanked Jess – Yes, tis true! I’m sure for some of our readers, the thought or idea that the Wicked Queen was over my lap, or bent over the bed and getting spanked by ME…is an crazy thought. But many of our readers know that we were initially “switch” when we first started doing fun spankings. But the point here is, is that she has been bare butt, getting a spanking and so knows the vulnerability of being in that position. Which I think leads into the next point.

She Has Spanked Me Many Times – Over the years, I have had a good amount of domestic discipline spankings. So it is not an out of the ordinary thing for me, or her. We are both familiar with the protocol, the reasons we do it, and comfortable with the whole act of spanking in general.

fm belt and paddle spanking

Not About Humiliation or Embarrassment – For us, spanking has never been about humiliating one another. When we first started fun spankings, and then taking turns and giving each other tasks each week, we were not out to shame the other person. It was a fun game, fun foreplay and it lead to great sex. Now I’ve come to understand that some crave the humiliation, and that it can been seen as a part of submission. Not bagging on those that want or feel they need it. Jess and I have always had a “to each their own” type of attitude regarding such preferences. But it just wasn’t part of what we set out to do, and present day for REAL DD spankings, Jess isn’t out to embarrass or humiliate me. She is just set on giving me discipline I deserve and have earned.

otk sandal spanking stills

So, when Jess tells me that I’ve “Earned a trip to the woodshed.” My knee-jerk reaction is more that “oof” feeling in the pit of your stomach. More from anticipation of the punishment and pain that is coming my way. But there is no shame in that for me. And while I’ll have anxious moments leading up to the very first sting of her belt (or whatever implement), I’m not humiliated or embarrassed being bent over for the spanking.

f/m domestic discipline coupleAs I have probably mentioned on one of my posts, right before the spanking actually starts, I take a deep breath and just do my best to mentally prepare myself for what’s coming. It helps to remember that I’ve written the check, and now it is time for her to cash it. And once it starts, my mind is racing with thoughts of…OW and how I need to maintain position. And then afterwards, I have feelings of relief that the spanking is over, immediately followed by a calm and balanced state. And when I kneel in front of her post-spanking, holding her around her waist while she caresses my hair. It is a very intimate moment between us. Again, I feel no humiliation or embarrassment throughout the whole process. But again, and as we both have mentioned before…that’s how we do things. And what we do is what works for us. So if there is someone who, for whatever reason, wants to or feels the need to experience some humiliation or embarrassment as part of their punishment, and their partner understands that, and can help them with that, then…more power to them!

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Very well said. My wife and I are the same and the love she shows me by thrashing my bottom always shows she care. No embarrassment, not demeaning, just a wife who cares.

Naughty Boy

I can’t say the same is true for me. I know that if I were to have my bottom bared to get a good blistering spanking for my misbehavior, that I would be very embarrassed. I am sure that is not necessarily the Wicked Queen’s intent, but would definitely be something that would add to the punishment. The worst embarrassment for me would probably be getting scolded with a bare bottom on display or even during the spanking itself. I could also see the corner time would really make that bad. I do get that you don’t feel any embarrassment over it but I think that you might be in the minority


We do incorporate elements of humiliation in our FLR. Todd has often completely stripped and been disciplined physically with my sister or a close friend of mine witnessing his red bare behind plight. He adores my bare feet, so I don’t keep that a secret, he rubs my feet publicly and smells them any opportunity he gets. Todd functions well with the discipline I provide, and I feel the need to “break” him to ground zero on the occasions he needs it, and yes that often includes a full humiliation and paddling him to a hyperventilating little boy whose tears are flowing. He’s an amazing man but needs this relationship as much as I enjoy this relationship

Naughty Boy

Miss Colleen,
It seems that you have a very good arrangement with your husband. As much as the hard spankings would hurt, I think the embarrassment of being seen would be much harder to take.
How often do you feel the need to break him down like that? Do you think that this is the equivalent of the woodshed whippings that Joey gets?


Naughty Boy

Wicked Queen is my role model. I’ve learned MUCH about physical discipline and female led relationships from her blog.

Todd is only punished when he deserves it, or I have deemed him to be inattentive or rude. It’s not sexual, it’s behavior control within a loving yet strict FLR

i wasn’t severe enough a few years ago in my paddlings, and having read so much about Wicked Queens ministrations with Joey, I have changed paddling implements and adjusted my rate and duration of whacks so that Todd is weeping helplessly every time I administer discipline. I’ve become an efficient disciplinarian when Todd fully strips and retrieves the small thin epoxy paddle for me.

my smelly feet turning my husband on was just a little secret in our bedroom until I learned humiliation was a key female led relationship tool, and thus on occasions where Todd has argued with my sister Tina over politics and offended her, soon his clothes were off, his naked body on display, and red behind was throbbing as he apologized to her after she witnesses his paddling. I also have had Todd rub and smell my feet in the presence of others as a sign of his submissiveness and my sexual leadership. The humiliation is included only when Todds behavior is most obnoxious

I am quite curious of your relationship as well, tell me more.

The Wicked Queen

Thank you for the kind words. While humiliation isn’t part of our dynamic – it sounds like it works for you two. And as we always say…to each their own. 🙂


I would have to agree with Joey on this. For us a bare bottom spanking is more about maximum effect , I never really thought of it as being humiliating.


such an awesome post. Very much appreciate the insight from your side. You and Jess have a relationship that many of us can only wish for.

Humiliation isn’t something I enjoy, but like you, I would see no humiliation in what Jess does. The fact that you understand your transgression and accept there is a price to pay.

I’ve only recently found your blog, but am injoying it a lot.


I would say that a better way to describe it is being humbled , which basically means a removal of arrogance of being taken down a peg or two.
It is in effect empowering our wives to do exactly that and what better way to do that by being taken over her lap and given a good bare bottom spanking?
I also believe, the part of our anatomy being punished, our backside is certainly very embarrassing for us but that is part of being humbled.
I don’t feel humiliation at being spanked but there is a degree of embarrassment due to the nature of being disciplined.
If I was arrogant before a spanking I am not afterwards so it is mission accomplished for her.

The Wicked Queen

Agreed that humbled comes into play during and post spanking. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!


One year on April 1FOOLS DAY , .I pulled many jokes on J. Well she thought all my jokes were finished , and said “that’s enough now” but I forgot there was one more and that was too many, when she lit a cigarette and it exploded! So she proclaimed: “ Damn it! Woodshed for you with three instruments. Get in position now!” … So I went to our bed room dropped my pants & underwear presenting my nude bottom knowing for sure I was really going to regret pushing her patience too far So I waited a whole half our and my butt was cold. Suddenly my phone rang. It was J calling me from the grocery store: she said: “April fool !!!! . Any ideas for supper

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