On a couple occasions now, Jess and I have read and heard from readers about how embarrassed I must feel when Jess humiliates me as part of the spanking process. I found that interesting because I’ve never felt “embarrassed OR humiliated” before, during or after a spanking.
One gentleman on Quora, wondered how I could not be humiliated during a spanking as my butt is bare, but she is fully clothed and spanking me. It is actually a good question, because upon thinking about it, I would imagine that many, maybe even most, would feel embarrassed and/or humiliated in that situation. At least to some degree. So it got my wheels spinning as to why ~I~ didn’t feel that in any way, shape or form.
I responded in brief, but in thinking about it afterwards, I thought I’d expand on it a bit more on our blog. So here it is! 🙂 The reasons why I haven’t felt humiliated while we do TTOO (This Thing of Ours), or TTWD (This Thing We Do).
Time Together & Relationship – Jess and I have been together for over 20 years. And it didn’t take long to realize we had found our soulmates in each other. We still feel that way to this day! Our communication has always been good, along with our love life. We have seen and lived with/supported each other through some of life’s challenges that have been experienced. We’ve also shared some of the greatest moments in our lives as well. In other words, we have seen each other at their best, and at their worst. So I believe this connection we have over time adds to why I don’t feel any embarrassment or humiliation during a spanking session.
Confidence – I’m a pretty confident guy. Jess has recently cited most of the spankings I get, happen when my hubris/arrogance grows to unacceptable levels. I’ve always been pretty sure of myself. And I don’t embarrass easily. In fact, shortly after Jess and I moved in together, it was the norm, for me to be walking around naked in our apartment even when the blinds were open. And when Jess pointed that out…I wouldn’t duck or try to hide, I would just casually walk over to them and close the blinds, saying something to the effect of, “If they want more, they have to pay.” So being naked in front of Jess has never been cause for me to be embarrassed or humiliated either.
I Have Spanked Jess – Yes, tis true! I’m sure for some of our readers, the thought or idea that the Wicked Queen was over my lap, or bent over the bed and getting spanked by ME…is an crazy thought. But many of our readers know that we were initially “switch” when we first started doing fun spankings. But the point here is, is that she has been bare butt, getting a spanking and so knows the vulnerability of being in that position. Which I think leads into the next point.
She Has Spanked Me Many Times – Over the years, I have had a good amount of domestic discipline spankings. So it is not an out of the ordinary thing for me, or her. We are both familiar with the protocol, the reasons we do it, and comfortable with the whole act of spanking in general.
Not About Humiliation or Embarrassment – For us, spanking has never been about humiliating one another. When we first started fun spankings, and then taking turns and giving each other tasks each week, we were not out to shame the other person. It was a fun game, fun foreplay and it lead to great sex. Now I’ve come to understand that some crave the humiliation, and that it can been seen as a part of submission. Not bagging on those that want or feel they need it. Jess and I have always had a “to each their own” type of attitude regarding such preferences. But it just wasn’t part of what we set out to do, and present day for REAL DD spankings, Jess isn’t out to embarrass or humiliate me. She is just set on giving me discipline I deserve and have earned.
So, when Jess tells me that I’ve “Earned a trip to the woodshed.” My knee-jerk reaction is more that “oof” feeling in the pit of your stomach. More from anticipation of the punishment and pain that is coming my way. But there is no shame in that for me. And while I’ll have anxious moments leading up to the very first sting of her belt (or whatever implement), I’m not humiliated or embarrassed being bent over for the spanking.
As I have probably mentioned on one of my posts, right before the spanking actually starts, I take a deep breath and just do my best to mentally prepare myself for what’s coming. It helps to remember that I’ve written the check, and now it is time for her to cash it. And once it starts, my mind is racing with thoughts of…OW and how I need to maintain position. And then afterwards, I have feelings of relief that the spanking is over, immediately followed by a calm and balanced state. And when I kneel in front of her post-spanking, holding her around her waist while she caresses my hair. It is a very intimate moment between us. Again, I feel no humiliation or embarrassment throughout the whole process. But again, and as we both have mentioned before…that’s how we do things. And what we do is what works for us. So if there is someone who, for whatever reason, wants to or feels the need to experience some humiliation or embarrassment as part of their punishment, and their partner understands that, and can help them with that, then…more power to them!