Given some recent comments from our readers, I felt it necessary to do a follow up to my post earlier this year, Why Women Should Consider A F/M Spanking Relationship. We received a really good response to that post. Some from men and some from women who wanted to explore or add this element to their existing relationship. But what we’ve heard from both men and women is that, as they are spanking their men, a sense of reservation comes over the women as they don’t want to “hurt” their husbands.
This makes so much sense because women, by nature, are typically nurturing human beings and so spanking (for real) your husband to the point of pain, is in direct conflict with our nurturing tendencies. But it is possible. We have a female reader (and spanker), who wrote in the comments on one of our blog posts, something to the effect of, “If her husband fell off a ladder and hurt himself, she would be the first there to help him, comfort him, and make it better. But, she continued to share that when her husband has been bad, and his bare butt is bent over ready to accept a well deserved spanking, she has no problem meting out an appropriate punishment.
So how did she, I, and many other women get to where we’re able to do that? That’s a good question and the answer probably varies among women in this lifestyle. For some women with assertive or aggressive personalities, the transition might be easier than someone who is more soft spoken and perhaps more timid. I was in that latter group and the transition for me took a little self exploration and digging. Ultimately though, it was through communication with my husband that got me to where I am now. Add to that, we had been involved in some form of spankings for over 10 years prior and so spanking him was not a foreign or even unusual concept, but getting myself to give him more harsh punishments was another step that didn’t come as naturally. The key communication point was that HE was asking me for this.
When I gave him his first “real” domestic discipline spanking, it was with my belt but I was intent on giving him exactly what he wanted. I was calm, cool but stern as I laid the hardest belting I had ever given him. I was also somewhat curious as to if this was what he REALLY wanted or if he would back away from the fire during or post spanking. I remember feeling bad while spanking him this way but kept reminding myself that this is want he asked for and wanted to explore. Again, extensive and great communication, before and afterwards, helped me understand and feel a little better about spanking him this way. Still, for many subsequent spankings that happened, if I spanked him and could hear him cry out in pain and see him hurting, I would back off and end the spanking soon thereafter. But again, we would talk about it afterwards and I realized that he was fully committed to being held accountable in this way. He was very honest and told me that I probably could’ve/should’ve kept spanking to really teach him a lesson. A big part of this too is the spankee’s ability or capacity to take pain. As I’ve mentioned, Joey and I are long time spankers and he’s very familiar with the sting of the belt, paddle, cane, etc. He has a high pain tolerance but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. However, everyone is different. For example, if I gave Joey 10 hard swats with my doubled over belt he would grunt in pain from those lashes. But, if I gave someone who’d never been spanked before the same level of lashes, they would likely be in tears before the tenth swat landed. THIS IS KEY. When we retell our instances of Joey getting taken to the woodshed, it is important to note that what I give him and what he takes is probably not what most should get, especially if you’re just starting down this road. The point is to teach your man a lesson. For some, a 10 or 20 swat belting or paddling could very much teach a lesson and have the desired behavioral modifying effect on him for weeks to come, or perhaps longer. Again, communication is key. And men…you have to be honest. Honest with your wives and with yourselves. Are you really looking for this type of accountability? And if you are (or think you are), then are you being honest with your feedback to your wife post spanking?
One of the main points that I’m trying to make is that a real domestic discipline spanking doesn’t have to be an excruciating event for your husband. But it should be painful enough to curb his behavior. What a real spanking SHOULDN’T be, is erotic or fun. Not that we’re opposed to that. Fun spankings are how we got started down this road many moons ago! But if you’re talking about a domestic discipline spanking, then that is a different ballgame. Hell, it’s a different sport. But, if that is what is desired, then start slow and talk about it afterwards. By doing so:
- You’ll get more and more comfortable with the act of spanking.
- You’ll find out the level of spanking needed to be effective for your husband.
Again, this is where the husbands have to be honest with you. If your husband tells you that the 10 swat spanking was MORE than enough to teach him a lesson, but then the next day or two (or three), he’s repeating offenses or giving attitude, then you know that it wasn’t. And that begets a conversation with your man of whether or not he is REALLY wanting to do this or if it is just a fantasy for him. Which, again, is not a bad thing. But if that’s what he wants, then he shouldn’t confuse the issue and ask his wife to be held accountable by way of “real” domestic discipline spankings.
And men, I understand it is not easy to accept this level of spanking…In fact, I’m going to ask Joey to chime in on this a bit:
Hey all, so yeah…I LOVE the DD lifestyle that my wife and I practice now and I LOVE that she holds me accountable in this way. However, that doesn’t mean that I LOVE getting taken to the woodshed or any real spanking for that matter. I really don’t. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…There is nothing fun about a real spanking. It is painful from the beginning and the accumulation of swats (one right after the other), breaks me down relatively quickly. Self preservation kicks in and I want the spanking to stop shortly after it starts. It takes some mental discipline to stay in position and take what I have coming. And to be honest, it’s a struggle.
But then after the punishment spanking is over, there is no friction between us. Quite the opposite. I earned a good spanking and got it. And perhaps she EARNED the right to give it to me? And when the punishment is over, there is no tension, silent treatment, passive aggressive statements, (a lot of this was mentioned in my wife’s initial post referenced above). The spanking is over and her nurturing side kicks in and we have a very intimate moment: her holding me after a spanking and usually caressing my hair. I feel worn out, but I also feel balanced and calm.
Again, remember that ~I~ was the one that approached HER for this. I asked for this, perhaps like your man is now asking you? I know I have very aggressive tendencies and can be a handful from time to time. So to have a powerful, loving woman who can and will keep me in check when that happens is quite refreshing, perhaps cathartic for us both. Like my Queen said above, communication before and after the spanking is so important towards dialing in or evolving into what ultimately works for you guys.
One last thing I’d like to add is that this “thing of ours” as we like to call it, is totally done off radar so to speak. Meaning no one knows about it. We’re pretty much a “vanilla” couple in most things and we have a very “normal” lifestyle otherwise. It is just real consequences for my arrogance, bad behavior, or other transgressions. You can really define it to be whatever works for the couple. But for us, it is as simple as that. And I will say that as a result of this, I feel such a closeness to my wife that I’ve never felt with anyone before. It is an exercise in trust, humility, love and affection. And with that…I’m out! 🙂
Thank you, my love. Very good points indeed. I will add in closing that the benefits of going down this road, are SO worth it IMHO. If your man is ASKING you to explore/do this and you start doing so with the good communication it deserves, and in a safe, sane, and consensual manner; I fully believe that you BOTH will be so glad you did and that you BOTH will achieve new levels of love and intimacy.
Besides…there has to have been some point in your relationship where you’ve wanted to “throttle” your husband. Am I right? 😉
If you’re a man reading this, and are not sure about sharing these articles with your girlfriend or wife just yet. Perhaps you should check out my husband’s eBook: How To Get Your Girlfriend or Wife to Spank You (or how to find one that does.)