About a year ago, Joey did a blog post that answered some common questions he had received from various messages, comments and emails. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, I would recommend you do so – What It’s Like To Get Real Spankings – An Interview with Joey. As you would imagine, I too have been asked a variety of questions from the same channels and so I thought I would take the same approach and answer some of them here. So let’s get to it shall we?
Question: Do you spank other men?
Answer: No, Joey is the only person I spank. For us and our relationship, while disciplinary sessions are not inherently sexual, they are an expression of our intimacy. I wouldn’t feel comfortable spanking someone else or having someone else spank Joey.
Question: Have you ever thought about becoming a professional spanker? You’d make a fortune!
Answer: Well, thank you! No, I haven’t, and at this point in time, don’t see a point where I would be comfortable doing that, (see answer above), but I certainly don’t judge anyone who spanks for a living. Lots of errant backsides need tending to!
Question: How long did it take you to become comfortable spanking Joey as hard as you do?
Answer: I can’t give a specific time frame but I can tell you that there was a natural progression to get us to this point. Way back at the beginning of our relationship (a million years ago), Joey was the one that introduced me to fun/sexual spankings. I agreed to it because it was something new and exciting. And it felt so naughty that it was a big turn on. Over time, as you’ve likely read on our blog somewhere…spankings became our primary method of foreplay. We had great fun with it! Over time, I found that I really liked giving him spankings more than me receiving them. And conversely, he was enjoying getting spankings more than giving them. So we evolved into that dynamic. Then…Joey being Joey…he was always pushing his limits on what he could take, and started taking more swats before uttering his safeword. So when he approached me with the idea of holding him accountable by way of REAL spankings, I already knew that I’d have to lay on a pretty good one to “teach him a REAL lesson.” As we started down this road, obviously the spankings became NOT sexual and more of a means of communication, setting and reinforcing boundaries, and well…punishment. But his submission to me, and trust in me giving such harsh punishments, also greatly enhanced our love, connection and intimacy within our relationship. So in summation, because of our experience and history with spanking, I know HARD spankings are what he had in mind when he requested it as a consequence, and because of that, it was easier to get comfortable when giving him harsh punishment spankings.
Question: Why do you spank him so hard?
Answer: In short, because he needs it! Joey has a pretty high pain tolerance naturally, but I also think his tolerance has increased over time. I am always aware of and monitor his bottom and the backs of his legs throughout a spanking. My intention is never, ever, to leave marks that will not heal or that would require medical intervention. This is also where communication plays an important part in a domestic discipline relationship. Most of the time, (not immediately before or during a spanking), but at other times, Joey gives me feedback on how various implements feel. We talk about the physical effect to his body that the implements have during and after a session. I also take into account how hard I swing, what position he was in to receive his punishment, how many swats/lashes he received, and how each implement performed (i.e. is a particular belt prone to twisting thereby delivering the more painful “edge shots”, which side of a particular paddle has the edges of holes beveled, so as to not break the skin during the spanking. It may sound like a lot to keep track of but again, we didn’t start out here. This was a natural progression for us and this thought process has become second nature for me.
Question: Do you LIKE to spank him that hard?
Answer: I don’t think it’s that I necessarily like to spank him that hard, as much as it is that I know he “needs” that intensity of a spanking to get my point across, and the lesson learned. What I DO like is the better attitude that he exhibits after a spanking. I will also say that I am always aware of where he is in his pain tolerance threshold throughout our sessions.
Question: What are your top 3 favorite implements to spank Joey with and why?
Answer: My The Italian Leather Belt – beautiful leather, heavy, feels good when connecting and of course makes a lasting impression. Plus I wear it often, and so it is often handy. 😉 Then I’d have to say the Spencer Paddle – easy to control, provides A LOT of STING, which can bring him to tears quickly. And last but not least, The Wicked Switch – quiet, easy to control, good for low bottom and upper thigh lashes, makes an immediate and strong point. But I do realize it is the most severe implement we have, and so I do use it sparingly, or for more serious offenses.
Question: Joey has said that the Wicked Switch is the worse thing to get spanked with. Were you able to tell by just using it or by him telling you?
Answer: As we have both stated, communication is key to this type of relationship. That being said, Joey isn’t above bending or massaging the truth in order to influence my decisions about which implement to utilize and how much correction he needs with it. So I do listen to what he says but it’s more about watching his reactions. Interestingly, his reactions while he’s starting down the trail to getting a spanking are sometimes the most telling. For example, if I threaten with him the Wicked Switch his whole demeanor changes. He tries to hide it but I know his “tells”. 😉
Question: Why do you like to wear sandals so much?
Answer: Being that we live in the southwestern United States, I’m able to wear sandals year round. I have quite a collection! They are comfortable and easy to pair with different outfits. Plus a huge benefit is that, if I am not wearing a good spanking-belt that day, I can always take off a sandal to get Joey back in line. In addition, Joey happens to love my feet so what better way to show them off to him. 🙂
Question: What do you think of when you are spanking him?
Answer: When we first started, I would think more about what I should or shouldn’t do. I would think about numbers of swats and positioning. I would also try to remember to mention everything he had done since his last session to deserve the spanking he was currently getting. I would also be uber conscious of not hurting him too much. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with any of that. In everyday life I am not an overly aggressive person. I am very nurturing and a natural caregiver. I have noticed that the longer we have engaged in this lifestyle, the more natural the role of Domme has become for me. It’s almost like a switch gets flipped when we are in session, and the Wicked Queen just naturally comes forth.
Has Joey ever spanked YOU for YOUR transgressions?
Answer: As we’ve written about elsewhere on the blog, at the beginning of our relationship, we did switch. Those spankings were more playful (especially when I was on the receiving end). Joey will occasionally get a good swat in on me if he is feeling especially feisty and exceptionally reckless. I don’t mind a little love-tap swat between husband and wife. That is to be expected I suppose. But I will tell you with absolute certainty that he pays the price on those rare occasions that he forgets his place and swats me hard. So, to answer your question…no.
Question: Where can I get a leather belt, like your Italian leather belt you use to spank with?
Answer: That is a GREAT question! Joey found that belt like 20 years ago at one of those closeout stores for higher end clothing. It was super long and so he took it to a leathersmith to shorten it to the size of my other belts. It also had a different buckle, but he found and bought that nice brass buckle that is on it now. So…to find one just like it would be quite hard to do. And we’ve both noticed that nice leather belts like this are harder to find these days. Plus, when you do find a good quality belt, it is usually very expensive. So…the short answer is: I don’t think they sell this belt anymore. The longer answer (and possible good news), is that Joey is sourcing various leather suppliers to try and find (as close as possible), a leather strap similar to mine. Once he does (hopefully), we’re going to list them for sale. Not sure if we’ll list them as belts, or just making spanking straps out of them. But…to be continued…
Question: Would you consider being an online spanking coach if you could remain anonymous?
Answer: No, not at this time. But, I am planning on doing some “how to” spanking lessons on our upcoming YouTube channel. (You heard it hear first!) 😉
Question: Will I ever run into you at a spanking munch or spanking seminar?
Answer: As of right now, and if I’m being honest…no. That has nothing to do with anyone other than myself and being true to myself and my feelings on being public with what we do. For me to be on video spanking Joey, was quite the summit for Joey to climb and convince me to allow; even though our faces are not visible. But I’m also a believer in the quote, “Never say never.” So…no for now. We’ll see where I’m at with it in the future.
What do you like best about spanking Joey?
Answer: Two things: #1 the blissful period that follows where he is agreeable, well-behaved, and very obedient. #2 Knowing that I am meeting a legitimate mental, emotional, and physiological need that my husband has.
What do you like best about your spanking relationship?
Answer: I would reiterate the above answer, but add that it really has taken our level of intimacy, trust and love to levels that we would likely not experience otherwise. We’ve always had a great relationship, but this is something unique, we both appreciate, and something that works amazingly well for us.
Very insightful interview Jessica.
I find it interesting that for many spanking couples it starts with the wife being spanked, then both being spanked, and then exclusively only the Husband gets spanked. I wonder if it has something to do with maturity as we get older, the wife becomes more assured and confident?
For us it followed the same path evolving to the stage where I get spanked, she does the spanking, and her bottom is now off limits for spanking. We both like it that way, and she admittedly enjoys it. While she does not spank as severely as you do, it is very effective as just the ritual of her taking charge, being scolded and going bare bottomed over her lap is bad enough.
Glad to see that you two are back and looking forward to another video soon!
Always good to hear from you Glenmore! And thank you for your comment. Interesting thought regarding how the F/m spanking dynamic starts. I’m not sure. When you said, “I wonder if it has something to do with maturity…”, my first thought was, “Yes! Women are more mature then men! Who as we all know, are just grown up little boys! LOL
As far as severity of spankings. I really think that should be defined by each couple, as to what works for them. Sounds like you’re doing exactly that. 🙂
Thank you – We’re’ glad to be back, and regarding another video…we didn’t intend for it to be this long before releasing another video, but one is one deck. Just takes a little more planning now days to get everything set up for it.
You do have a point regarding maturity Jessica. At the end of the day, I did, and still do a lot more things that deserve a spanking than she does!
Add to that, as women mature they become more assured, confident and eager to take charge, whereas men tend to continue to act immaturely, despite their age.
Looking forward to your next video, hopefully Joey’s butt can take all the re-takes!
Haha, no re-takes on our videos. They are just actual trips to the woodshed that we capture on video. We want to keep it as real as possible.
Our history is similar to yours. I liked reading how you evolved. We were a bit different. I had many years of BDSM experience. I was generally a top, but I did like being spanked. It was a turn-on. Like you, my wife spanked me because of its sexual value. I asked her to discipline me with “real” spankings. It took her years to get to the point that she did.
I asked her how she feels when she spanks me. She said that she isn’t turned on by it. She likes being able to give me a spanking that I will remember. I am punished to teach me to obey rules and mind my manners. We no longer do play spankngs. It seems we followed similar paths.
Good to hear from you again Caged Lion! That IS a very similar history and path. What is her primary or favorite implement she spanks you with?
How has the YouTube “How to” channel idea progressed?
It’s on our “to do” list. But we took “off” the last couple of weeks of the year to relax and enjoy the holidays. Getting back on track with things now. But first, I think we’ll have a new paddle I like, that we’re going to offer for sale. 🙂
Hope you had a good couple of weeks “off”: presumably, this means lots of spanking, just without the online things? I had a good Christmas with my wife with things getting very intense. Joey said in a comment on a previous post about the intense feeling when you clutch his post-spanking buttocks during sex: this is a feeling that cannot be rivalled!
What sort of new paddle is it?
Hi John and glad to hear you had a good Christmas. We did as well! The new paddle is something that is small enough for a good OTK spanking, but also just big enough to give a regular paddling with my husband bent over something. It has beveled holes, so as to not easily break the skin, and a rubber coated handle for a good grip. Coming soon! Stay tuned. 🙂
What do you personally see as the advantages (and disadvantages?) of bevelled-hole paddles generally?
Thanks for the question. For us, I only see advantages to beveled holes in a paddle. Without them, you have just a straight 90 degree angle, which can easily cut/break the skin. Especially when spanking hard. So, when I DO use a paddle that has holes, I only spank with ones that have beveled holes. 🙂
And in comparison to paddles without holes (assuming there is no 90-degree curve at the end and/or the paddle is big enough for the edge not to be in contact)?
Correct. All of our paddles have rounded edges. If a paddle doesn’t, then yes, you can break the skin on the bottom fairly easily. Which is something I never strive for and don’t encourage.
What would you say are the relative merits of heavy and light paddles? And are they good for different situations?
Well, heavier paddles while still stingy, will add more thuddy sensations as well. So depending on what the goal is. One thing about heavier paddles, is that they can be more dangerous, if the spanker accidentally hits the tailbone. So I would recommend that people new to paddles, start off on the lighter side. The forthcoming paddles, would be a good option.
So which implements are useful for which goals (in particular the heavier ones)?
The spanking implements I use are either per-determined by me or I just decided. There is not a set implement for a transgression or goal.
Do you have a particular view on which implements are good for “priming” a husband before sex (i.e. doubling up with punishment)?
Not really. Just depends on what the couple is looking to do/achieve. Lots of personalized tastes. 🙂 I don’t “prime” Joey when I spank him. It is a punishment and meant to be painful, a deterrent and an attitude adjustment. So I spank HARD from the very beginning.
“Just depends on what the couple is looking to do/achieve.” Can you elaborate on that? I assume it is a “horses for courses” situation.
Yeah, in the vein of “to each their own”. What I spank Joey with, and how hard, has developed after years of spanking him. So, what a good DD spanking means to us, can be quite different, than what it means to someone else. Either more intense/severe or less. The right answer, is what works best for that couple. 🙂
I sometimes get a “quickee” otk spanking when I say, or do something that really pisses her off. She once used her wooden hairbrush to whack the backs of my thighs very hard about 10/12 times. Naturally I screamed loudly in pain. This once prevented me from wearing my bathing suit at our summer home, because it exposed the marks on my thighs.
My wife will not put up with my squirming on her lap when using her flat wooden hairbrush on my butt for a punishment spanking! I pride my self on taking her forceful swats stoically like a man, but there are times when the pain is just unbearable! And I instinctively put my hand back to stop the hairbrush! Without one word out of her She wastes no time in swatting the backs of both my thighs and the extreme pain forces me to scream out loud. That’s her signal, telling me, “If you do that again I’ll blister your thighs for the rest of the spanking!” The spanking continues while I cry out loud with real tears & force my self not to move as the hairbrush comes down 30 more times! But I don’t dare put my hand in the way of the hairbrush again! Does Joey ever balk during a punishment spanking?
A good hair or bath brush, can certainly sting. And getting spanked with anything on the backs of the thighs, always hurts more. I like your wife’s style. When we first started this, Joey balked a couple of times, or didn’t maintain position. But then I came up with the Spanking Rules, where that kind of thing, only gets him more swats. So now, most of the time, he maintains position (within reason), and takes the spanking he has earned. 😉
What’s your YouTube page name ?
Hi Cindy and thanks for reaching out. We’ve talked about it several times, but have been focusing on getting a spanking implement or two up for sale on our site. YouTube will come eventually, and when it does, we’ll post about it for sure. Have a great week! 🙂
Awesome thanks
I never know how many swats that’ll get ! It can be as high as 80 or as low as 20 depending on the implement she decides to use on my poor bottom! Disgraziato
My wife is very meticulous when planning her day! I came across her note pad & shockingly realized that she plans her day, step by step, by writing everything on her “to do” list:example: “9-10 groceries, 10- 11 pedicure ( new color?), 12 home for lunch (left overs?), 1- 2 pay bills, 2 pm collect ingredients in kitchen for tonight’s casserole, 3pm “PS” for D!!!!! Loooooong OVER DUE”. You can guess what PS stands for. It took my breath away! I was on my best behavior the rest of the day & brought her flowers hoping she’d change her mind! She smiled broadly and thanked me for them and kissed me quite passionately & never mentioned what was going happen at 3 pm! At 3pm i spotted her spanking chair in front of the warm fire place and on the chair was the dreaded long handled Bath Brush! This caused me to palpitate. She walked into the room with her cell to her ear, totally ignoring me while talking to a neighbor and as she was talking, she casually looked at me & smirked! She then used her index finger to make tiny circles in the air which as always, is my signal to get naked below the waste and stand by the chair! She then picked up the Bath Brush while still talking to our neighbor and sat down continued talking for about 5 minutes & finally said: “M , I’ll check that item in an old catalog & get back to you. Ciao for now!” She then looked me in the eye & accurately, one by one, enumerated all my many, many, many misbehaviors for the last 4 weeks & therefore that’s why I merited the horrible bath brush for my PS! She then motioned for me to get over her lap! And proceeded with absolutely no mercy, to spank my butt very hard 40 times! I was in tears and whimpering afterwards. She said: “D you know you had this PS coming for at least 2 weeks! “So while I was whimpering standing in the corner, she casually picked up the old catalog, then called our neighbor M, and gave her the catalog item’s number without missing a beat. Later the casserole was delicious, and she chuckled as I squirmed in my seat! I was on pins & needles all day anticipating the “PS” written on her note pad! How long in advance Does Joey know that he will be getting a PS much later? Is he ever on your “to do” list? Lol.
The bath brush can give quite a good spanking for sure. Yes, most of the time, I tell Joey exactly when his trip to the woodshed will take place. So he can think about it for a bit beforehand. Sometimes, it 30 minutes. Sometimes it’s a day. Sometimes it’s a week. I even did a live countdown timer for his spanking, on our blog once. Here’s his version of that spanking, after the fact. What Being Bad FEELS Like
Hello Wicked Queen: I am a gay man legally married to another man. Why am I here? Maybe I shouldn’t be but the site and your relationship with Joey is just jaw dropping and wonderful. I have been looking for this kind of serious discipline from my husband. He is reluctant to apply what I need. I believe that if Joey is bad then I am ten times worse. I have been mentally abusive to my partner and I know it. I wish he would discipline me! Meanwhile I resonate with the articles in the site. Keep up the good work, Thanks Don
Hi Don and thank you for the kind words. As far as whether you should be here or not…if you are enjoying the content, and it resonates with you, then yes, you should be here. 🙂 We promote consensual domestic discipline between all loving couples who are open to it. Thanks for the comment!
I would like to thank you Jess and Joey for providing the paradigm for my partner and I to move forward in life in a new direction. I have signed a manifesto that gives him total control over my life, behaviour wise. I am now a happy man, my rear end not so much!
I could post that document if anyone would like to see it.
Thanks,Don
You’re very welcome Don! Wishing you both the best, and remember that it is an evolving thing, that communication will help keep it where you both want it to be. 🙂
Hi W.Q. I wanted to share something I thought I would never have the nerve to do. Since I have regular doctor visits, there could easily come a time when he would notice certain marks or bruises on my body, mainly my butt of course. Rather than have to explain at the time, I decided to take the bull by the horns and explain the shift in the dynamic in my partner’s and my relationship. I was sweating bullets wondering if he would be not understanding or worse. He accepted my explanation and to the reasons why we wanted to go the route we have, especially my extreme poor behaviour within our years together. He listened carefully and accepted that it was our choice. His only comment was, “if it gets abusive I want you to tell me!” I laughed and said, “my problem is to get him to be MORE abusive”. By nature my spouse is a gentle creature. So I am relieved that that particular hurdle went very well.
Thanks for sharing. We’ve often laughed at the thought of Joey having to explain his marks to a doctor. But it hasn’t happened yet. I could see Joey straight up telling the doctor what the scoop is. Hopefully that doesn’t come to pass. But is does make me wonder…What would you do Joey?
Hi W.Q. After 3 weeks since my last bedroom whuppin’ I was feeling cocky and arrogant and I sent my mate an email stating that it had been a while and I wondered if he’d lost interest. I carelessly reminded him that I needed consistency and I hoped we could talk about it. When he read it I was immediately ordered to the bedroom and to strip. So much for talking about it. I opted for a ping pong paddle hoping that the diameter of it would spread the pain out a bit. It sure did!
Yep, I can always tell when Joey’s last whuppin’ starts to wear off. Thanks for sharing!
My wife’s technique is with her whippiest cane! As i’m bent over, she stands with her left hip even with my head. Holding her cane in her right hand she brings down the cane with precision diagonally from my left hip down to my right thigh. She then carefully places two more strokes about one inch apart creating 3 enormous WELTS. She then moves to the other side of me, and places 3 more strokes from up to down, also about one inch evenly apart so each WELT meets each previous WELT 3 times! The pain is incredible and lingers for hours! My skin is usually broken in many places and I’m crying like a baby. This is known as a quick CRISS CROSS CANING. We are usually headed for party where I’ve previously drank too much and made a fool of myself. And so she does this as just a warning.
I’ve seen pictures of a crisscross caning before but haven’t done that to Joey. As you know, I have certainly employed the Pre-Company spankings, and Pre-Party spankings before as well. Very effective. 🙂
She sometimes stops me in my tracks while I’m doing chores, and says, “Umm, this mess will be all cleaned up before we leave for the BBQ correct?” “Yes Ma’am!” She walked to the door and then also stops in her tracks and said “Aaaaaaand, i almost forgot! Do I have to give you the “USUAL quickie Criss Cross CANING REMINDER for you to behave at the BBQ? Holding my breath, I quickly say “OH MY, My, No Ma’am!” She walked back to me, and we embrace and she kisses me on the mouth long & passionately, but then whispers in my ear, while chuckling, “I’m so happy that your memory seems to be improving. I wonder why?🙄
Is Joey’s memory improving? 😀
Occasionally i can talk my wife out of giving me a punishment spanking, but not often. Has Joey ever been able to talk you out of wrecking his bottom.
In the past he has, but I quickly learned that if I didn’t go through with it, I’d regret it later. So for a while, I never let him off the hook, once I told him he was getting a spanking. But…as of late, he has talked his way out of it too many times, citing that we should set up and video record it for our blog. So, I’ve let him off the hook, but…it takes a bit of orchestration to set up and record video and so the spanking has been postponed often. But he has gotten more arrogant. I’m actually working on a blog post now, about this, and that his postponement days are over. If we record it great, if not…that’s fine by me. He is going to get his spanking regardless.
With us, spankings are linked to sex, so there is no incentive for me to try and talk my way out of a spanking!
To the Wicked Queen: It’s a rhetorical question, but here goes. I wonder if guys (all/some) have a bad boy gene built in. I think Joey does, and I feel I do too. Case in point. A few weeks ago I stepped out of the shower to find my partner standing at the sink. I snuck up behind him and gave him a healthy smack to his right butt cheek. Then I peered around and looked at him in the mirror. He had been brushing his teeth and when he withdrew the brush there was a touch of blood on it. OH-oh, I didn’t realize he was brushing his teeth. He said that if he didn’t have a headache he’d take care of me, right then and there! I figured I was off the hook and I smacked his other cheek and left the room. I only got about two paces when he caught my arm and spun me around. I saw him reach for my very own hairbrush and I got about 6 smacks on my left butt cheek. Then he turned around and went back into the bathroom. The next stupid thing I did was to stick my head back in the bathroom and state, “ha! you missed the other cheek” I saw him reach for the hairbrush again and I took off running. I was cornered across the room and I was treated to another six smacks on the other cheek. Then I felt like a school kid who was being kept after school for some remedial education in behaviour attitude.
I believe I’ve stated somewhere on this blog, that most men are just grown up boys, with more expensive toys, and less accountability. And yes, Joey has been known to do stupid stuff like that from time to time. It’s like he can’t help it. But that is a good indicator of the need to take him down a notch or two. In a similar instance as you described above, I would’ve blistered his butt for sure. If I wasn’t going to give him a full on woodshed whuppin’, I’d at least buy myself a week or two until I could. 🙂
Hello! Do you have any children? And if so have they ever seen you spank joey? If not…when they grow up, are u going to keep it as a secret?
Hi Hamid and thanks for the question! We do have children, but we don’t share any of what we do with them. It is an agreement only between Joey and myself. And that is the way we will keep it. 🙂
I wish that was my arss thats nice